" off with her head ! "


" which one ?!?! "












i've met a lot of intellectuals, most with little sense












a couple of old teammates reminded me that i used to stare at planes going across the sky

i didn't think it was so obvious, but they were joking that i used to never listen to the coach but i would be staring at planes, i've been doing that for a long time though staring at planes, never thought it was too obvious

i guess i don't know how people can talk over them













jon writes

there's an exaggeration in life, a boundary

and if you cross that line you're considered fucking crazy

like.... people are content to live in a cage instead of

....just pouring out

reading shakespeare during my teens in school, it never felt right

first of all i have a hard time understanding old english, especially with something dense like shakespeare

i remember watching part of the 1996 modern twist of romeo + juliet , and i think it does make more sense to watch plays rather than read

we read macbeth one year and were asked to do a video interpretation, my group and i made a hilarious rendition of the show 'the office' and macbeth, called it 'macoffice', the class was roaring with laughter and i thought it was pretty well done too.. our teacher gave us a C+, the lowest of all the classes, didn't stop her from choosing it to be one of the two or three she showed as an example to the following year's grade

maybe i'll watch this 2015 version of macbeth
















" the only reason you like Jason is because he is a brain-damaged cuckhold who imitates your style. "


at least i don't drool when i speak/write like you !










once again i don't have enough attention to detail

what i thought andrew said was nesquik chocolate mix and what he really said was nestle baking cocoa

growing up i thought tattoos weren't healthy, i thought most people thought the same but i guess not














if we're solipsists, then we're already talking about solipsism ?










why make sense of the senseless ?











z did you listen to andrew when he told you to give up trying to understand zen and instead focus on health ?


i thought that was a really good piece of advice












leaving my childhood home behind, i'll be sacrificing a lot of luxuries for independence












i've been eating like shit and i feel it in my head, numb !










i was in new york city yesterday to play some pick up soccer with some friends, had to take the subway to get downtown and the subway cars were very packed with people, no room to move around shoulder to shoulder

i was right by the entrance doors to the car very close to people, was not enjoying that

two stops into the ride an asian woman a bit older than me gets onto the car and it's so packed her breasts were on my shoulder

they were soft, and she felt cool and sort of magical, sort of a touch and energy only certain women give me

after several more stops she moved away from me, we exchanged glances, but i hardly remember what she looked like

i get these ephemeral feelings of the past, good feelings not exactly memories

they appear once in a while











when i used to drink alcohol i would get very aggressive, especially sexually to women












sepehr's criticism that i should read more quality was fair, there's always more room for quality reading


i do read quality, but not very diversely













i'm a mix of unknown and infinity

i don't really know who i am though


reading this excerpt of knausgaard's book

writer's groups do not sound like the kind of writing i'd want to be involved in

deadlines, idiocy of other's comments on your writing

he was young though, 19 when he joined, when i was 19 i was writing on r/zen, i was pretty conceited back then too !












girl teaches herself how to dance dubstep by using youtube












i enjoy writing, if i didn't i wouldn't come back here

and i wouldn't sit around thinking i wish i had something worthwhile to write about













“We walked out on the veranda with our drinks and watched the afternoon traffic…I told her that Knut Hamsun had been the world’s greatest writer. She looked at me, astonished that I’d heard of him, then agreed. We kissed on the veranda, and I could smell the exhaust from the cars in the street below. Her body felt good against mine.” CHARLES BUKOWSKI, Women (Chapter 21)










karl ove knausgaard writes about his trip in america and canada









i was gifted and read david foster wallace's " this is water " in book form

i threw it out in a bit of a book purge, i thought it was wishy washy and really not that good










andrew:

its interesting about forgiveness, i donʼt think you forgive or forget for good reason, but you can move to a more functional space where logic rather than emotion rules . .

people make mistakes, but the trajectory won't differ, caution and not being too negative are spaces to move forward . . i n t o ! ?








you think you're giving me advice but it's not true











zephyr writes

An3drew, while he has good advice sometimes, is not perfect. Do not try to emulate him. Get solitude for SHikantaza but also read good works and be your own person and stuff, that's basically Andrew's main message. I've been getting a lot of the latter but not enough of the former, so I need to get the balance right again...

Granted, you don't want to become like Andrew, man. The dude is extremely mean and has bipolar tendencies. One moment he'll praise you and the next moment he'll act as if you were never praised at all.

I don't need another person gossiping behind my back.

Also, the fact you never thought I have never dive, shows how ignorant you are. You can't rely Andrew for all of your opinions, and I've asked you politely before not to gossip behind my back, especially with places where I haven't disclosed my name or whatever. 



i reply

did i say i thought you never dove ? i've been reading your messages and i know youre training for your full license or whatever it is.. i know you've gone on a couple already

i know andrew more intimately than you, so once again with the useless 'advice'

you posted something from ligotti onto the 7thzenpatriarch blog a couple months back, idk if you said exactly what your username was but if people really wanted to know who you were they could figure it out, why the anonymity anyway ?


i don't want to be andrew, i want to be better than andrew but until then i'll listen to what he says cuz you know he's got about 3 more decades of contemplation experience compared to you



i updated my post so that it doesn't show your name directly



i actually find andrew to be very nice, maybe he's nicer to me cuz i actually listen to him and do the work ? where as you just bullshit ? 

what's being bipolar anyway ? isn't the world a madhouse, a constant shifting fractal, so go with the flow life isn't predictable and your emotions shouldn't be either 
















i don't feel bad for being a killer !









my family had the 1989 version of batman on vcr, i must've watched it more than 20 times

the intro was always interesting to me









" what's wrong ? you don't look so happy today "

what i said:

i have a stomach ache

what i wanted to say:

some moron pissed me off on the internet !










i've been on a sugar binge the last couple weeks, today it really hit me how bad sugar can be,  woke up feeling like i was a notch or two down, haven't felt like that for a while

maybe it's the winter ?







pasturized fruit tastes like its fruit pie, minus the pie, tonight it was apple pie-less !











'king moron' starts a thread on ligotti.net

sorta shows what 'king moron' might be expecting from diving, fantasy ? that coupled with his comments about " diving into kensho "

andrew's opinion is that he'll face reality more when he gets more into diving








zakaj's reddit username


zakaj makes a post about his possible hypothyroidism, welcome to the sinking shit zakaj !

it's too bad you haven't listened to andrew, one of the first things i learned from him is to stay away from kelp

grew up eating a lot of this, basically rice with chicken and its blood

my mother used to call it "black rice" because she thought i would be afraid to eat blood, when i found out i wasn't really skeeved by it 

i should quit planning things ahead











reading andrew's pending poems 1 and 2 was my favorite time reading poetry so far

not eating for several days won't be easy