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Sunday, February 5, 2017



awalt on /r/theredpill




my reply :

we rent out the basement and we got a new tenant, my dad's girlfriend was in the living room which has a big window into the street
anyway she saw the woman in this guys car kissing, she left the car and went into the basement, 20 minutes later some different guy parks and goes into the basement
i found her facebook and it says " in a relationship "

























jon :

Feeling like you're going to die is one of the worse feelings ever.
Good thing I have a lot of practice with this or I would freak the fuck out, not that I don't get scared it's just I've been through this so many times before.
Marijuana makes me hyper aware of my physical symptoms and I'm pretty contracted all over my body.
OH WELL 2 lazy 2 change



me :

since it definitely restricts blood flow to the hippocampus, maybe it makes you more aware of other parts of the brain ? like some part that has to do with the physical ?

























shit doesn't work out or isn't working ?

move on



















there's a lot you can do for yourself, your life isn't over yet




















i've found infinitesimals interesting for a long time, even though i found math class not so interesting

























re: hillary
from zaddar1 [+114] sent 
your intelligence makes you the alpha male to a subset of tinder women out there
re: hillary
to zaddar1 sent 
and an extreme beta to others
























rina :


i told you, you hurt me a bit. you dug into me. you have no reaction to this. you don't care

you don't care how you make other people feel. even if you "like" them

especially if you like them



me :

partly true


























rina :

stop looking for a tragedy



me :


you're the tragedy ?

























rina :

You're literally insane

But the insanity doesn't excuse the meanness.

Ridiculous.

Bye !




me :

literally sane

i'm not uncomfortable with who you are

you exist on some periphery, you're on the edge of existing and soon your brain damage will be so bad that it'll be irreversible if it isn't already

you want to keep damaging yourself, fine ! at least i pointed it out

you think you're better than me, fine with me ! i have nothing to prove

keep your drugs as your first priority !

























you're not ' the opposite of autistic ', you are autistic

could you get it more wrong ?






















you're so maladaptive


" Unfortunately "

























FUI

fucked up individual

































i need you to not contact me if it has to do with pot, also i can't afford and i don't want to give you free rides

if you want to go long boarding or play some sport that's fine but drugs and one sided giving i can't do anymore



he replies


um ok

sry that's how you feel



my reply


i prefer to be by myself and to not do drugs, nothing to be sorry about






























jon encountering a wolf on a snowy day in saskatchewan



























in not trying to be different

to fit in would require trying !




























andrew :


people who do drugs are practiced and sophisticated parasites
me :
diseased leeches for sure



























i’ve been sort of fucking myself over smoking pot and now i have $15 to which i say good
i’m going to drop a couple of friends around here in new york who are really drug buddies as i see it as a mostly parasitic relationship where i do not gain much from them and they gain from me
the hippocampus shrinking from restricted circulation with pot use is 100% accurate, you can hardly use your brain to think





























rina's instagram































 you can't change people

they can only change themselves



it's not like you can change people

they can only change themselves



















hillary writes poetry
























why are people such retarded assholes ?



andrew :

i do think we spot it easier in others than ourselves !


















tyromix has worked extremely well on my thyroid, about five drops in the morning, it doesn't even look nearly as inflamed as it did two or so years ago

also been avoiding soy and seaweed as much as i can

i still take iodine about once every two weeks maybe even more



























andrew :

if you want to understand women, they used to die in childbirth !


























i've fucked up before

and i'll do it

       again

and again

and        

again



























lone goose today at the park

needs to be played with sound































i had fun taking these videos when i went for a short walk at the park






































i don't really care much for the past besides taking an empirical view of it and learning something























'take a seat on the long bench'

have a think about your wife, girlfriend, children

your job

what you'll do tomorrow


























when i started to write a year or so ago i hoped that i wouldn't end up going somewhere cuz it might make some good writing

nothing memorable comes out of going out and doing something, it usually just happens and i am the observer
























i posted some pictures to instagram because i like to have some of there out there publicly

i almost prefer not to get any " likes " on the photos though































i'm on long island now

when the whole house seems to be sleeping

when it gets noisier i can put my ear plugs in and live in a somewhat solitude



























from what i've heard his eyes have the devil in them

from what i've seen not one has appeared
































i went to go do a pre surgery check up today and i'm starting to think i'm too honest

they ask me what i do for a living, lol i tell them i'm a farmer because i think it's actually a serious question

i get into the alpacas and how i'm gonna go shearing them and they're either holding back their laughter or they're actually interested

i think it's a serious question at the time, the airforce requiter also asked me about work and i told him about the alpacas, he said it was the best thing he heard all week and he was telling his family about it

well they ask me what i do for a living so i tell them, maybe i should tell them i'm a writer ? not that i make a living from that

she asked what the future held for me, i told her i wish i could know





















i've been seeing lately how people on r/zen are time wasters























i bought formal mccarthy's " the road " when i was 16 after i read about it on some page that it was a top horror book

i tried to read it a handful of times and i've said it before but it's more apparent now, it's just awful !

of course it's popular !
























zen is certainly a thing in real life with centers and monasteries


























i've been doing a lot of reading recently

i finished " the book of disquiet " by fernando pessoa

then in succession i read " animal farm ", " 1984 " by george orwell, nikolay gogol's " diary of a madman, the government inspector and selected stories " ( composed by penguin classics ) absolutely hilarious btw !

now i've just started " christ stopped at eboli ", i'm on chapter 6 and unlike andrew i like to read the full book, so far from carlo levi's description of the town it is reminding me of a small town in portugal, ' beca ', that i used to visit where my mother's aunt lives, the town has such a unique feeling if i ever return to portugal i'd want to go around taking photos in that town






















it was about 2pm and i had an hour until i was going to go do chores with the goats and alpacas, so i decided i could get the slow cooker going for dinner later on

first i put in this fat and gelatin from the goat i made several days, then a small tomato and some sunflower seed oil

half a long hot pepper, half a lemon's juice and then a quarter of the squeezed rind (taking it out later )

i grabbed green beans, rutabaga, radish and it's greens out of the fridge along with about half a carton of beef broth

salt, pepper, there was probably a tiny amount of curry powder from the fat and gelatin

i let that slow cook for 4 1/2 hours while i was working, then i got home and let it reduce for about 40 minutes

the sauce was delicious and of course when cooked for that long it just infuses with the vegetables

 restaurants just don't step on that level

update: my stomach is acting up, i think it's partly due to the fact that i ate later than usual, ate too much, and i did top with a very decent helping of sour cream

i forgot to take a zuni prime too !




































most of them, on /r/zen, think they're already so enlightened, so what can you do ?
ReplyDelete

Replies







































  1. you have to use them to straighten yourself out, posting there is a form of self injury, there needs to be strong benefits extracted . .

    i honestly don't care a fig for anyone else's enlightenment, that's their business

    zakaj got the boot not because he's a borderline arsehole, but because i have done christianity, his stupidity has nothing to offer me . .

    i notice on brad warner's facebook page he is running into huge problems with the retarded borderline nature of people attending his retreats and weekly meditations, in part his reading audience too

    i think this has got worse over the last couple of decades, a growing sense of entitlement in the younger generation, just stupid aggressive like r|zen . .
  2. i'm not really jealous of much these days, people's accomplishments benefit me in some way
    Delete
  3. criticism is not something taken lightly in my generation
    Delete






























[–]to zaddar1 [+114] sent 
one of the first questions you asked me, or aloud, was " what is autism ? "
did you ever come up with a suitable answer yourself ?
i was thinking earlier ultimately you're ahead of the writers on your booklist
[–]from zaddar1 [+114] sent 
autism is a low theory of mind condition, that is, "normative reality" humans are neurobiologically blinded to project a certain way of looking at the world that is optimized for breeding
so that's high theory of mind about reality that doesn't match well the way things occur
so religious mysticism and zen is the development from low theory of mind to a truer perception of reality  .   .
without supplements i would have been a dead duck, with them i just race ahead so fast i can't keep up with myself !
can even feel an improvement from my blood donation four days ago !






















you go through a painful experience but then you step out of it and you're ahead
























when you're so high that you think you're enlightened, you don't like to be told that you might be wrong !


































people getting angry at me

 not something new !





























a guide and caretaker in northern russia

that's a pretty cool job and i would be happy to do something like that

maybe not if i didn't have access to internet

and actually it's funny because i just talked to this guy the other day, he's a wildlife biologist and hunter's guide in southern new mexico !




































i was walking the main street in cambridge looking for somewhere to eat and i was probably walking for 10 minutes or so when i crossed the street to the other side

i saw a building with two restaurants attached, one was like a cafe and it was packed, people even outside talking

the one next to was indian and there were light curtains but it didn't seem crowded

i walked in, there were maybe 25 tables and there were about 10 people in there eating, everyone was single except for one couple sitting together in front of me, they left pretty shortly after though

i was glad to be somewhere like that

so one woman was talking loudly on her phone and a couple of other guys were reading and studying but for the most part it was really quiet

i finished my meal after a while and i had no where to go so i pulled out my phone and started writing some thoughts down

then a couple came in and the guy knew what he was doing because he told her " we're getting the buffet ", everyone got the buffet in there besides me, it was cheap

so he got up to go to the buffet and i'm lounging back writing some stuff down and his girlfriend was seated with her back towards me and just kept turning her head to the side to look at me

so she did that a bunch of times and i was just trying to enjoy my time digesting my food and writing

then she just straight up turns her whole body around and looks at me and we make eye contact shortly, she was really pretty

i decided then it was time to go and so i left just to walk around

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