new videos and photo
an ex friend
you pretend that something is still there
talking without substance
i wrote some time ago about this guy grabbing me by my collar at soccer after i called him a baby
well there's a plumber here who i played soccer with and was there that night, apparently some guy next to him was like " yeah let's get him ! " referring to me, the plumber had to calm him down apparently
jesus these people are animals
a lot of zen seems like it was there at one point, then it was taken and changed enough that it just doesn't make sense anymore
like it's made into an idea instead of just a real flow
andrew:
its a strange thing to deal with people with health or mental health problems and see them remain in pain and prefer to die rather than go through the re-alignment of thinking necessary to solve their problems effectively !
at the dining room table
the chandelier
creates
shadows
what an incredibly beautiful place jim harrison lived at
One word: Exhausted. Mondays go like this: Wake at 3:20am, study until 4:30am, get dressed in black, find my rakusu, find my zafu, find my breath; Whisper over the shoulder from the dark, "practice discussion," climb down off the tan, gassho, gassho, and stumble out and sit with a bell. Listen for the teacher's bell, return the sound, gassho, gassho, climb the steps, gassho at the door, open, three prostrations in front of Guan Yin, step right, gassho, and sit, and stare, into the stitches of the kesa, and relax. We see what's there, and he asks, "But what is the question beneath this question? What is the question that makes this alive for you?" Truth balks at introspection, I say thank you, bow out of the room, back to a cushion, and sit. At 6:30am, we chant, "Great robe of liberation, field far beyond form and emptiness, wearing the tathagata's teaching, saving all beings." Into ceremony, prostrations in the dark, ancient twisted karma in the dark, taking refuge in Buddha, Dharma, Sangha, in the dark. We chant. We bow. We clean the temple, I don't finish; 2 alter's cleaned, 5 to go, maybe at lunch, maybe at dinner. Breakfast, the potatos we grew- yellow, fingerling, and purple with ketchup and lots and lots of gomassio, our drug of choice. Work- Monday harvest, transfer water, the smell of gasoline, the frustration of spilling. Lunch- no cleaning the alter, collapse in bed, no eating. Work, picking beans in the sun with brothers and sisters. Washing vegetables in the cold, damp, shade. Tea date with farm crew and farm elder, salty and sharp, 71 year old sage with a harvest knife, we drink mint and anhishissup. Miss zazen, clean alters instead, then a bath instead of dinner, searching for warm nourishment. 7pm time for class, show up is all, be open is all, and truth comes because there's nothing else left. 9pm, we see the fire watch come into the kitchen as we devour leftover dhal, cabbage, and potatoes. Find my bed in the dark, my wife is already sleeping, wise as a cat.
when in an argument online people won't usually take what you say very seriously, so the benefit is that you can speak your mind and not expect much of a backlash !
well even my autistic self noticed this, and got sort of caught by it !
i was telling andrew that i could be a good singer/songwriter if i actually knew how to sing, and well write songs
i won an award for singing when i was in fourth grade !
when i was younger i asked my mother to get me involved in some art classes of some kind and she never reciprocated ! she was probably sort of right, most teachers are bozos !
i was also staring at the moon and when i was staring at it was moving from side to side and up and down, i think that's more of an optical illusion though and i wasn't wearing my glasses either !
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Yeah side to side and up and down
Last time I told someone to come look at the moon they were unimpressed
Well I was like "come look at this" without telling them what it was and when they came out... yeah
ReplyLast time I told someone to come look at the moon they were unimpressed
Well I was like "come look at this" without telling them what it was and when they came out... yeah
well i just got a job as a cheese maker from the guy i buy heavy cream from ! should be interesting ! he says most of the time it's just sitting around waiting, sounds like my kind of job so far !
i see a lot of people cooking stews online add flour to their recipe, if they would just cook it a bit longer to try and get the liquids down it would naturally thicken !
you can be genuine, but that doesn't make you intelligent !
you can be honest but that doesn't make you intelligent !
when i sit i think about my day, my life in the past, complete fantasies
to sit with no thought is regressive and completely unnatural to how the mind works
i'm not saying that at times i'm not thinking but i definitely don't strive for it
huh i think i ought to listen to saadi !
O darlings of your fathers, learn the trade because property and riches of the world are not to be relied upon; also silver and gold are an occasion of danger because either a thief may steal them at once or the owner spend them gradually; but a profession is a living fountain and permanent wealth; and although a professional man may lose riches, it does not matter because a profession is itself wealth and wherever you go you will enjoy respect and sit on high places, whereas those who have no trade will glean crumbs and see hardships.
andrew :
you can’t open the horizons of the insane !
insanity has really shown its face these last couple of days !
" bim bim bim
bim bim bim "
short pulsing headaches today, but be the vitamin a !
known around as icepick headaches, i've had these since i can remember, pretty infrequently !
buji zen, zen master zen, patriarch zen .. where do i lie ?
at least not buji zen !
when i was young, but old enough to read and sound out sentences, and in portugal i was getting ready for bed one night when i was walking around the room just looking a things
there was a stature of mary on of the drawers with an inscription in portuguese, my portuguese is not that good, in fact pretty bad but i was able to sound out and even partly understand what the inscription read
when my mother entered the room and i read it out loud to her she was actually astonished and said " how did you read that ? did someone read that to you ? " herself knowing my portuguese is not good !
buffoons, buffoons, they're all buffoons !
i was at dave's all day yesterday helping him with his house, he's made crazy good progress with the insulation almost being done !
it's good to have someone like him around, we can joke around about anything and when i wanted to go for a walk most people would've thought it weird but he gave an unassuming " okay ! "
later on we went to a meditation at the " insight meditation society " which is actually a pretty well known retreat center and it happens to be in our town
i was not surprised by people coughing and stomachs making strange noises during the meditation, one guy actually clutched his stomach and stamped his feet when he couldn't take it any more and walked out of the meditation to the bathroom !
after the meditation everyone had three minutes to speak, basically everyone spoke about what was going on in their lives, i wasn't too much different as i shared my story of "walking back to the goat pen and then things ticking to the next minute ', of course i felt depressed after sharing because those buffoons don't deserve to hear something like that !
i liked what dave said which was basically him saying what was going on in his mind as his eyes were closed, heart beating, his sweater smelling like mold, and things being as good as they could be
his retreat experience showed and i think he would make a good teacher of sorts !
my comment
my reply
well i probably caught something as i'm not feeling right and i've been sleeping more than usual
reminds me of a game i used to play with old friends called " 21st finger ", you would stick out either one or two fingers and a counter would count everyone's fingers until it reached 21 and whoever had 21 land on them would either be ' it ' or out
if i thought about it i could usually figure out who would be landed on !
i don't want anything to do with you
it's easier that way
jon :
I am continually amazed at what writing does for me
I could say something stupid and gain some new insights
If I just thought about it then I would not have this sort of introspection
It brings new light, a whole new level is opened up
this whole week i thought " i actually want to write something ! "
yep, questions can be left alone, you can always come back to them later when you feel like there's an answer !
drugs, marijuana in particular, can bring you to a space that is tangentially related to the real infinite space
still the brain damage is so not worth it, i walked away with some decent insights/experiences though !
it most definitely triggers psychosis which imo is the brain not working in the right capacity
diarrhea causes dehydration and if you're dehydrated alot of the time it can't be good for you !
andrew:
why zen is authoritarian is what reddit zen shows, that people don’t have the ability to tease out what is correct from what isn’t and just project forwards any number of fancies
authoritarian short circuits that and i think that dovetails with older people having much more experience too (another discounted aspect of zen on r|zen)
the weakness of authoritarian is the same as its strength, its effectiveness depends on the “ authority ” knowing what he/she is on about and what they are doing !
r|zen is trying to take its authority from the zen records, but they don’t want to know what jumps out at every person experienced with the process of translation, that translations are very different from their original texts and even then why should you assume veracity of the original texts ?
it all has to come from interior experience which again gets back to real life parsing of correct and incorrect !
me :
i've learned to respect older people more, still i am often surprised of their lack of knowledge and experience of something deeper, like they set their coordinates for auto pilot in a completely different direction
well you have people like tostono on reddit zen that are in their early thirties but they talk like they know it all
I like that video with Jim Harrison a lot.
ReplyDeletei think he travels between montana and sedona arizona during different seasons
DeleteIs his poetry any good?
DeleteI mean books*
Deletei have his book " after ikkyu and other poems ", i only skimmed through it so can't really say
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