" How do you cope with feeling like nothing in this world/ life makes you happy ? "
me :
happiness is a sort of illusion, i don't think i've ever been happy, just a sort of joy for a short time
so i flux between feeling good and feeling bad.. never stopping at one emotion but aporetically living !
i went to my coworker's dinner party tonight, i brought my computer and monitor along because they were planning on watching a movie on a laptop screen !
i got the setup ready and had the monitor on in front of everyone on the couches, the movie was on pause and everyone was talking about this and that, then my screensaver came on that shows all my photos i've saved
everyone was silent looking for a couple moments, then they just marveled and commented
they really liked it actually and one of the people there said we need to all have dinner again to finish going through the photos !
someone commented " it's like a window into jason's soul ", i say it's a window into yours and the artist's as well !
drugs are a quick fix, after awhile they start to do more damage
the insane think they're sane
" you wrote that poem ? "
yeah
" i thought you might have found it somewhere online "
well, i'm not the only one in my family taking lithium !
charles bukowski
" so really why i continued writing even though it came back and i got drunk for 10 years, i felt there was nothing out there so i had to continue because they were so bad not because i was so good
and i'm still not so good but they're still very bad
there's still room for someone to step in here, you see .. and i hope he arrives, or she "
diane arbus in quotes and my comments
“if you kept intimate company with pictures, you entered into a changing and charged relationship with them”
i collect photos that i find online, it makes a really awesome collection ! one of the best galleries around maybe !
“amazing that they can make this craziness work and they kind of can crazify you a little bit.
reminds me of something andrew said about psychologists, they become crazy from working with their patients !
zaddar1 [+111]hp
expand allcollapse all
the beauty of cellphones these days is being able to access the internet away from home
the unbeauty of it is EMF !
the guy who hurt me last week stayed away for the most part, but his brother was legs swinging ! well i'm done, there isn't anything for me there
what can i do ?
just do what i do
sometimes i just want to say " can you just shut the fuck up ? "
what's with people wanting to keep everything so clean ?
i was at the pizzeria where i used to work and the owner asked me to do something, and then not too later he told me not to do it
well later on he scolded me in front of the whole restaurant yelling why i didn't do it, and i asked him quietly and just enough for him to hear and a waiter that was standing next to me if he didn't remember asking me not do it
he said " i can't even remember what i did this morning ! " the waiter laughed
i thought " too much pizza and pasta ? "
i also thought " what do these people know that i don't ? "
well i figure it's that they don't realize they have memory problems
" you'll always be number one in my heart ! "
and not your number one choice !
andrew :
understanding zen is like looking at writing in a mirror and realising everything is backwards
understanding life is like looking at writing in a mirror and realising everything is backwards
me :
i had this dream where i was standing in front of a mirror and every time i blinked my eyes i was a different person
i was just at the train terminal standing near the doors as they were still open because the seats were mostly all taken
i was looking at my iphone and i looked up and a shady character was standing on the platform and he jumped a little when i made eye contact with him, i think he might've wanted to snatch my phone as the doors were closing
sometimes it takes looking in an old mirror to see change !
it takes looking in a past mirror to see change !
she kisses her boyfriend while looking at me
" i was seeing this other guy "
"oh, so you don't like him ? "
" i thought i did "
video 1 , 2
i was thinking hm, why am i anxious ? was it that i had too much dairy, the cold milk ? nope it was way more obvious, i haven't had lithium carbonate in 5 days !
an illusive reality, that's what most people live in !
MARINA ABRAMOVIC AND ULAY
Jason DafonteOctober 8, 2016 at 4:26 AM
so you're no longer poor, in a relationship, in america, and not in a monastery
quite different then even a couple years ago eh !
ReplyDeletequite different then even a couple years ago eh !
say one thing, think another
i was at the farmer's market weeks ago buying heavy cream and just shopping around, this lady who makes pies where i see people lined up every week was also selling blueberries
her blueberries were cheap in comparison to the blueberries i bought a couple days prior at a different market and i let her know that next week i'd buy them from her for that reason !
well next week they were more expensive !
people, not equal nor better or worse
andrew's restatement of
minature petals fall from a snow cloud sky
my comment
way better than the linked translation
taking the goats for a walk
already preparing for a life by myself by upping my cooking skills !
so far the only farms to hire me are owners who are retired or semi-retired and treat it more like a hobby
to my coworker :
i actually think i have a lot of autistic tendencies
video of my uncle and cousin haying
where my family is from in portugal !
did you know 151,000 people die every day ?
the world is a psych ward and we're all inmates held against our will !
crazy grizzly bear aftermath, check out the story in the comments
successful people weigh in on learning programming
i decided to go for a walk today when i felt slightly tired but also wanted to get some thinking done
i stepped onto the road and immediately felt like i had a lot to think about and i did
i was walking, not paying much mind to the changing leaves, even though in the woods the leaves seem to change not as quickly as the leaves on the driving roads
anyway i was lost in thought and i happened to pass a car that was parked along the side, i hope like always that i don't see anyone else walking
somehow some person ends up behind me, idk how far as i didn't look, talking to her dog and almost instantly i cannot focus on my thinking anymore, i almost wish this person would run past me and i never hear of her again
well i continue my circular route not getting the thinking done that i wanted, at the end i realize i should've been resting as i donated blood earlier
i got back steps later to the farm where i fed the pigs scraps from my previous meals
"If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants."[2]
isaac newton
" what should i do about my add problems ? "
maybe you should ask the dalai lama for some advice !
" i don't know what your financial situation is ... "
my financial situation is that i live in poverty !
i'm pretty much angry all the time these days
i do find everything difficult !
i've posted my first poem to facebook, i think that means i've submitted my writing to be perpetually free to read !
things don't usually work out the way you imagine them
imagination being a completely alternate universe !
gesshin :
On the other hand, I know that if I really want to learn something, it’s better to just concentrate on that one thing. There is nothing for me quite like just doing Buddhism. Just living in a monastery. Just being a nun. There is no substitute for me emotionally and spiritually than that all-encompassing, all-consuming level of dedication and concentration. If I am thinking and worrying about a partner, I can’t do that. I have to divide my time. And what if I don’t want to divide my time? I’m also beginning to suspect that for me there is no one man, and no possible intimate relationship, that would be more fulfilling in the long run than studying the Buddhadharma. Nothing compares. How could one human be better than the entire dharma?
just was looking through my view counts and realized i've kept a blog for a whole year
it's very interesting, and time seems to be going by very quickly
i've also been thinking about how people can make money from their writing nowadays
gesshin greenwood has a donation button on her blog, and it seems to help her get by, i'm not sure how her blog came to be popular though
the problem with my writing is that it does not go out of it's way to appease people, i don't write for that .. it's really for myself
-----
i see, she emailed everyone she knew asking for money !
imagination being a completely alternate universe !
gesshin :
On the other hand, I know that if I really want to learn something, it’s better to just concentrate on that one thing. There is nothing for me quite like just doing Buddhism. Just living in a monastery. Just being a nun. There is no substitute for me emotionally and spiritually than that all-encompassing, all-consuming level of dedication and concentration. If I am thinking and worrying about a partner, I can’t do that. I have to divide my time. And what if I don’t want to divide my time? I’m also beginning to suspect that for me there is no one man, and no possible intimate relationship, that would be more fulfilling in the long run than studying the Buddhadharma. Nothing compares. How could one human be better than the entire dharma?
just was looking through my view counts and realized i've kept a blog for a whole year
it's very interesting, and time seems to be going by very quickly
i've also been thinking about how people can make money from their writing nowadays
gesshin greenwood has a donation button on her blog, and it seems to help her get by, i'm not sure how her blog came to be popular though
the problem with my writing is that it does not go out of it's way to appease people, i don't write for that .. it's really for myself
-----
i see, she emailed everyone she knew asking for money !
from andrew's website :
sepehr to zakaj : anyways, why do you come onto the 7th patriarch blog ?
you even told me in messages that you donʼt like solitude in natural scenery
you said you donʼt even like taking solitary strolls in beautiful slovenia
zakaj : yes, its a valid question
andrew : you just want to find something you resonate with !
zakaj : i think the resonance is with the rivers here
i love going to the river in the summer
aesthetically, the most beautiful thing about nature is fire
iʼve always loved bonfires
zakaj : when i was in japan, i equally enjoyed the peaceful zen gardens and the metropolis in osaka
i canʼt feel that i approve of one, and reject the other
andrew : i enjoy gardens and parks in cities, who is asking you to reject them ?
zakaj : your blog is about zen — and i am obviously not the zen type
andrew : its more like zen is about something, that something is universal !
there is a depth in fugue states with infinity
that is what it is about !
