why are people afraid of asking questions ?
so i went to the festival today, obviously h.c. was playing .. at first i just walked by with dave and his girlfriend going to the foodstands, i think she noticed me though but i didn't look at the stage
about half an hour later i watched from a distance and i don't think she noticed me, then dave and kate came by standing 20 feet in front of the stage looking for me so i caught up with them, she definitely noticed me then and when i looked at her she exchanged a look with me but then started looking away and around
i came back maybe in 15 mins and sat down in the chairs in front of the stage, we looked at eachother pretty deeply maybe three times in one song, then she sang one more and said her thank you's and i walked away
later they were watching a presentation on tiny houses and i wanted to walk around and also see if i could catch her alone, well i saw her walking around with her boyfriend and as i passed them i just looked away, she definitely saw me and i don't know if she said "seriously .. " or if i was imagining things
walking around with her boyfriend
now he is doing you such a big favour you should give him some money !
if h. said "seriously" then she's telling you, 'why be interested you already know my problems'
she's not stupid, she's self aware !
laying on the picnic table's bench
above light pours through fall changing leaves
the occasional leaf falls
behind the cows sniff
to my right a beautifully shaped tall tree
with a strong gust all of its foliage shakes
a constructed poem ? not sure how i feel about those
well it was a wonderful scene, i was thinking of taking a video but decided against it
music is usually just racket in my ears
andrew :
love is a boundary condition of one self and another !
i remember the rumors of usain bolt going to the nfl !
nice to see he's too smart for that !
I think the freeze dried brain is doing something, a bit early to tell but I think positive so far, have been having this minor headache for the last two days
I've been taking it just with water not heated, but these last two days I've been taking it in hot milk mixed with a spoon, huh I guess those two things are probably related
I was doing some haying today at work and i was thinking about her every so often, the machine is a wrapper that wraps these large round bales, it was really dangerous that i'd lose focus
the bales weigh up to 800 pounds and if it span off and landed on me i could die in short time !
soccer is definitely not helping my fatigue, you're right too much exercise
i often think of goethe's travel diary in italy where he hires a boy to paint him landscapes on his travels with him, goethe comments on how the boy will benefit from being around him, and i think goethe benefited too as to me he seemed sort of delighted to his progress in his painting
the boy in the end separates from goethe with a pretty girlfriend, that is not likely for me it seems !
i was just thinking about how i'm the only one doing the work for myself as much as i don't want to be, maybe wanting a relationship is me not wanting to realize that
i wonder why you thinking carrying her will break me
well i think it's partly because i'm so new in making sense of anything that to try and make sense for someone else would be very difficult
blogspot can be so unreliable
went looking for something i typed the other day and it's no where to be found because this site has trouble saving
yep, did it as i was trying to save this
the writing in question :
" reddit zen is basically a gathering of idiots that all scream " i'm right, i'm right "
well possibly that's it as i'm going on memory !
$350 dollars to fix a window and that's doing it myself, not including the tools i need to get to do it
shit like this makes me realize how broke i really am
-----
i switched out the battery, it was really easy, albeit expensive costing $180
it's easier not to care and tougher to care
with r/zen you can leave and come as you like with a mouse click and keyboard types
it's not like the old days traveling possibly hundreds of miles and risking your life with thieves and wild animals
[–]to zenthrowaway17 sent
why do you want words to be defined ? why do you crave conversation so ?
[–]to zenthrowaway17 sent
I like the stories you bring to r/zen, I've basically been reading zaddar's posts and yours !
[–]from zenthrowaway17 sent
My immediate reaction is to say, "That probably means you should read more of ewk's posts!"
Somehow I get the impression that those two are polar opposites. I'm not quite sure where I fit in.
My self-aggrandizing self tells me that I'm a perfect balance between the one's Yin and the other's Yang.
So naturally you would love me, and appreciate zaddar because he shares your affinity, and avoid ewk because he's your shadow.
But we all need our shadow too!
But I'm... borderline psychotically depressed lately.
So my full-of-my-own-opinion tends to get out of hand.
Take that with a mountain of salt.
[–]to zenthrowaway17 sent
I'll take it with all of the sands in the Ganges , lol, as I don't see ewk or zaddar to be any extreme, what would the scale even be ? lol, I don't love you, you seem pretty nice though and well we can have a pretty good conversation !
[–]to zenthrowaway17 sent
I'm in the belief that zaddar is the 7th patriarch, and his understanding is way past your's or ewk's, basically I don't see them on the scale that you're seeing !
when I first got on Reddit zen about three years ago now I actually listened to ewk pretty much exclusively ! he sort of had a club of young guys who'd listen to his every word, luckily I realized he wasn't as intelligent and definitely not as 'spiritually' knowledgeable as he believed himself to be
I actually find very little joy in posting on r/zen, it actually hurts to post on r/zen in a way, I can't handle all of the idiocy
maybe there is more than reality that flows it's course ? in fact there is and Andrew has succinctly pointed out that it's seen in dai kensho !
a king of nothing in particular
andrew :
had dai kensho as a child, nothing ever made sense
that's a good a sum up !
my mbti personality type
reminds me of horoscopes
my question to reddit zen
laying here
doing nothing
that's what i love
a man down the road was diagnosed with leukemia a few days ago, he had to get a bone marrow transplant done today
it was the big gossip at work today, my supervisor was commenting as we were all standing around " it's incredible how this can come out of nowhere ! '
well i reminded her that it can happen to any one of us
she said " jason, always a ray of sunshine ! "
society, it's a sea of madness !
this guy's driving is impressive !
i'm a slow learner, but once i get it i do !
jason
iʼve been posting lately to the insane
you don't have a good sense of self preservation is your problem, that's always something you will have to work withhillary, the furnace mountain zen center in kentucky and now this
i have a serious ' slow suicide ' problem
regarding soccer, the future joint problems rings in my head and the concussions blare
i've seen the fakeness of faux brotherhood growing up and being on teams where most teammates weren't friends
a pond 5 minutes walk from dave's woods, and his work in progress !
the dumb get dumber ?
a holden to no one
that's reality
the zerg will do anything to have you think otherwise !
well, today at soccer i avoided doing headers, there was a deflection though and it thumped right off my head
after these 8 weeks i guess i'm going to give it up, i'd say soccer has been part of my life seriously for about 18 years, other years just playing once in a while
i see these 40+ guys playing and i just want to say " give it up ! ", guess i should first
pretty cool that jacques derrida was a fan of playing , for a while anyway !
the girls at the registers
the one in the stands
in the aisle
the girl exiting the toll booth, she was the prettiest
i guess it's really about the girl who shows up to the soccer games, she comes with her boyfriend but every time I look up into the stands she's staring at me
as I was leaving she was giving me this half eye closed look and walking this certain way, only thing I could do is look down and away !
some words cross barriers
soccer would be a near perfect sport minus headers !
i am always thinking to no end
well that's what makes my thinking aphoric and not logocentric
the house is made of concrete
and the walls are thick with lead paint
the metal doors have big keyholes for big keys
and they screech when closed
throughout the house there is a mist of something old past
and the bodies of dead flys on the long kitchen table
van gogh's meekness
' vincent's chair and his pipe '
she wants to fuck you, they all want to fuck you
ReplyDeletebut you already knew that...
captain obvious lol
ReplyDeletesimple but true
Deletelast monday i was hanging out with some older folk and we went for a drive
ReplyDeleteapparently a man they all knew was diagnosed with leukemia recently
we met his some of hisfamily on the road and stopped to talked to them
they were awaiting word on what stage it was
...
i found out that dude passed away a few days ago
i was wondering where those older folk went, i was going to visit them
i guess they went to the services
not too sure but i think this all took place within 2 weeks, from the diagnosis to the funeral
that'd be a crazy fuck hole if there was such a place
ReplyDeleteewk would have andrew killed lol
there would definitely be more physical violence, which is the pro of Reddit zen that you can say pretty much say what ever you want
Deletethe con imo is that there is something to meeting someone irl
reddit zen is basically a gathering of idiots where they all shout " i'm right, i'm right! "
ReplyDelete