had some steak tonight and felt my brain working better than normal, what will it be like when i have brain to eat?
it hasn't been a year since i started following andrew's advice and i have had crazy improvement, if i didn't get his shikantaza advice i would still be a grunt zenner, trying to stop my thoughts with will !
Danxia Zichun "... forgetting instantly everything you remembered in the past ..." I understand where this "stopping thoughts" idea comes from, but it can not be forced, it's spontaneous
"... you cannot prepare by studying sutras and teachings or by reciting from your zen notes. nor can you prepare through artifical cleverness ..."
but ewk told me i could understand by studying, lol! nope, and artificial cleverness, the buji way ?
these sort of experiences can't be forced, but i can prepare myself with meditation. charles bukowski spoke about not leaving his room for 6 days, staying in bed for 6 hours straight
isaac newton never married or had children
the portuguese and spanish call me "mudo" (mute), i just don't like talking very much, what gets them so upset about that ?
im a mutant of chernobyl
number 2 reminds me of taking the SAT, pointless
Roll The Dice
Charles Bukowski
if you’re going to try, go all the
way.
otherwise, don’t even start.
if you’re going to try, go all the
way.
this could mean losing girlfriends,
wives, relatives, jobs and
maybe your mind.
go all the way.
it could mean not eating for 3 or 4 days.
it could mean freezing on a
park bench.
it could mean jail,
it could mean derision,
mockery,
isolation.
isolation is the gift,
all the others are a test of your
endurance, of
how much you really want to
do it.
and you’ll do it
despite rejection and the worst odds
and it will be better than
anything else
you can imagine.
if you’re going to try,
go all the way.
there is no other feeling like
that.
you will be alone with the gods
and the nights will flame with
fire.
do it, do it, do it.
do it.
all the way
all the way.
you will ride life straight to
perfect laughter, its
the only good fight
there is.
way.
otherwise, don’t even start.
if you’re going to try, go all the
way.
this could mean losing girlfriends,
wives, relatives, jobs and
maybe your mind.
go all the way.
it could mean not eating for 3 or 4 days.
it could mean freezing on a
park bench.
it could mean jail,
it could mean derision,
mockery,
isolation.
isolation is the gift,
all the others are a test of your
endurance, of
how much you really want to
do it.
and you’ll do it
despite rejection and the worst odds
and it will be better than
anything else
you can imagine.
if you’re going to try,
go all the way.
there is no other feeling like
that.
you will be alone with the gods
and the nights will flame with
fire.
do it, do it, do it.
do it.
all the way
all the way.
you will ride life straight to
perfect laughter, its
the only good fight
there is.
i was about 13, and my mother was planning for me to go to church later that sunday which i despised
i called her on her cell phone and told her i did not want to go because i did not believe in jesus, her reaction was something like "WHAT?!"
i said i do not believe in god, or jesus, i do not think they are real
she started crying, screaming that i will be going to church later
i kept on saying jesus and god weren't real and they never existed
later i never saw my brother so angry, he yelled louder than ever about how could i say that to her
it was true though, i never thought jesus was a real person, or god
she didn't speak to me for a couple days, i didn't go to church though, never again
a philogynist by nature, i have always preferred the company of women over men
is that how you found andrew, through reddit zen?
ReplyDeletei think i bent my glasses last night, things look are looking bit odd
ug krishnamurti married and had kids but the day after he got married he realized it was a huge mistake. he eventually left his family to pursue this matter we're pursuing.
idk i like to talk about this guy because he seems to make sense to me but now i think i'm kinda finally getting what andrew is saying. for andrew only bits and pieces maybe i would get but mostly i didn't understand shit. but i exhausted ug long ago and i went back to jiddu, me having some questions and me listening to what they had to say on the matter (including andrew but he seemed like something i could barely understand)
just chipping away on it on a daily matter, year after year
and i like the way you write man with the small fonts and everything
makes me think i can hear you or understand your thought process more
idk
i'm just being lazy and not changing fonts when i copy/paste
Deleteyeah andrew gave me some unpalatable truths when he and i were on reddit zen, i got mad when he would speak to me, but only because he was telling me things i didn't want to hear. i'll go through our old conversations and post them here one day
i haven't read much on u.g. or j. krishnamurti, but seeing where u.g. stayed in switzerland is breathtaking
the only thing that's making me understand andrew more is going more into myself through meditation, it makes him look more human
i feel that my writing sounds too much like andrew, i should come up with my own style, but i guess that takes time ?
just got new glasses, can finally see after some two years without them!
in the beginning of your writings you wrote something
Deletethen you copy and paste and after that you're font becomes smaller than what you started off with is what i meant
idk it has this effect on me
like you quoted chinese guy and right after that you're font gets tiny
it's like.. well maybe you didn't deliberately do that but it came out like that to me
it's like you quote something and the tiny font is like your thoughts in the background. like the quoted part is something being spoken and you're there watching and listening and the tiny part is your thought on the matter. idk you can see it like something happening.
i don't know lol
but yeah write however you want who cares if it sounds like someone else it will probably sprout off on it's own in a different direction
are you far sighted? i'm near sighted and i wouldn't be able to last that long without glasses. everything becomes too blurry unless they're right in front of my face.
no i'm near sighted, i was just too lazy to go get a new prescription, plus glasses are god damned expensive in stores around here, i ended up buying them from eyebuydirect.com and got two pairs for $100
Deletedo you fold the left arm down first or the right ?
the right
ReplyDeleteTaking the SAT has a point -- it's just irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.
ReplyDeleteBecause to do something without a point is truly radical. Even sifting rice can have too much of a point. After all, the students think they're going to gain something from it. Huineng pounded rice for a long time before Hongren called him out as the sixth patriarch.
Hongren visited him and asked, "is the rice sifted yet?"
Huineng said, "hulled, but not sifted." Although he had an insight, he knew he needed help "sifting the rice".
cool thanks for the explanation of that story
Delete