friend is only one letter away from fiend 

at the edge of a

one thousand

foot cliff

arms out wide

winds in all directions

my dad threw a chair in front of me today and yelled to my face, "you ruined my life!", and recently i've been wanting to warn him about alzheimer's

eating wheat causes an allergic reaction ?



some guy at Tassajara says to me: 
"Just look at you, you're a high guy!"




"Benzos definitely work"
yeah and they definitely have side effects 

andrew links me to an awesome russian monastery video : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5apoJAsImg

my response : monk makari is the most interesting one

andrew's reply : he's trying to restore coherence to a failed proxy system . .


my further comment : his fellow monks are just reciting scripture

grandparents 

first one mother's side, second father's side

wherever the crowd goes, i don't go

andrew linked this recently on reddit, what an amazing read !






long island, the shithole capital of suburbia







one time when i was younger i hopped on the piano and played keys to my liking, it was nice sounding and i had a vision of of dolphins jumping in and out of water
my mother liked the sound and asked me to play again, problem was it couldn't be played again, the moment was gone

eat like shit = feel like shit





I don't remember if Brad Warner was working while at Tassajara

If he wasn't I can understand why he goes back, very beautiful there, big mountains with walking trails along the sides of them

I was looking at "Zen In America" interviews and saw one with Greg Fain, best part of the video was when they stopped shooting him and started showing views in Tassajara

my favorite times while staying there was when i'd have enough time to walk alongside the mountains

time was short because i was doing the work- practice exchange, they'd really put you to work !





sort of upsetting that these retreat centers have nothing for me