celibates are more concerned with themselves
youtube is useful for seeing other cultures
tommy tries to find love on the jersey shore
i think krill oil helps with creativity
does changing you sleep schedule give you a degree of brain damage ?
i think so
i'm talking about airports and planes being viral havens
i'm asked
" are you a germaphobe ? "
i reply
" more of a peoplephobe "
zen master eihei dogen was in china studying under zen master rujing
while in meditation he had a vision involving zen master damei fachang
dogen was given transmission by fachang through quantum space
when he next spoke to tiāntóng rújìng, eihei dogen was given approval
dogen returned to japan with an official document where he faced persecution until his death due to tuberculosis
i went to the park yesterday, i spent several hours there and time passed by pretty quickly
i walked miles, in the woods and along the bay
i say time passed quickly because every second was spent in thought, and besides stopping every once in a while to appreciate some natural beauty, i seemed to not notice my surroundings
i hadn't been out to the park in weeks because of the winter, viruses, and donating blood
i thought about a lot and i really came out on top in the end
when i first got there and i was just leaving the parking lot into a trail i saw a white car pulling in, besides me there was no one else there
while on the trail there was an opening in the trees letting the sunlight in so i took off my hat for five minutes or so
when i reached the end of the trail where it starts into another trail i saw two women approaching, i thought ' i have to get in front of them ' because if i don't see them then they're not a problem
so they were about 15 feet in front of me when i started jogging to make sure i got on the trail first
they chuckled and i'm not sure what they were whispering, i thought they said something like " you know, if you take your time .. "
i walked fast and then i didn't see them again
a good video with jordan peterson talking about tom waits and charles bukowski
i'm not getting involved in unnecessary fights, simple enough !
i get a message from kacent :
February 26, 2019
annoyingly i have to ask her what she is referring to
in a way i'm lucky not many read my blog, these people in question will never in their life see this writing !
she then goes on to say that it isn't appropriate that i didn't respond to her directly in regards to this comment :
February 17, 2019
instead i responded on my blog, she saw my response
continuing the conversation from today :
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
at the same time i get a message from one of kacent's particularly toxic fans, she is in an audio call with him
so, i've added his name below !
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i was wondering yesterday, why does she befriend toxic people ? but now that i think about it, i'm no different in that i've done the same to myself !
" you don't even play video games ! "
you say that like it's a bad thing
you can agree with someone and not necessarily have to believe them
agreeableness is a sign of strong social skills
what i mean is that you don't have to be agreed with by others, that's out of your control, but you can be agreeable to others
to be agreeable is to take in the opposing viewpoint and not become aggressive towards it
saintpaul/scuffedsmurf ,
you're tom waits, i'm charles bukowski
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
tom waits took a lot from charles bukowski, here you can see him praising charles in a charles bukowski documentary
other timestamps
1
2
tom waits recites a bukowski poem
and again, with "Nirvana", charles bukowski's enlightenment
" hell hath no fury like a woman scorned "
remember, he's on hard drugs
that changes you physically and mentally for the worse
abandoned villages and their restorations in the county of galicia, spain
galicia is just 15 minutes away from where i stay in portugal, last time i visited i went to galicia several times
there really should be more tourism there and people living there in general, maybe with the proliferation of online work
i really like this reworking by andrew
oh god . .
i've joined bentinho massaro's facebook group, he allows this schizophrenia ? he must be heavily schizophrenic himself
the pinned message in regard's to the 'posting guidelines' :
Keep all members in mind when posting.
Be kind and respectful with each other. Consult with your Higher Self as to how your posts and comments will be perceived.
If anyone finds another member's comments or post offensive, be the enlightened being that you are and don't engage. Report offensive material to the admin team.
Upon occasion, posts and comments may be removed based upon their relevance. Please be assured that this is nothing personal. Check in with your triggers and lack beliefs. A lesson can be learned in every situation.
Enjoy being part of this powerful community. Each of you is an integral part of the whole. Keep that in mind as you participate in making it even better.
when i was young i was a very good soccer player, i heard " we are the champions " by queen countless times !
soto zen in brazil
" soto zen teaches that cleaning, eating meals, and even sleeping are all important practices "
they don't get sleeping or eating right, and cleaning is made into some 'practice' to get you to work hard and mindlessly so you don't question it
in a way i'm glad to know how to speak spanish and portuguese, i could travel all of south america, if i had the money for it !
when i was a young teenager i used to spend hours late at night on phone calling with girls, texting too, i used to do skype voice around this time too
instant messenger i talked to people as well, which is easier because it's not voice
i use twitter quite a lot now
text messaging has always been easier for me, less taxing and you don't have to respond right away, i've also always preferred the company of women
a new soto zen temple being constructed north of san francisco , website for the new temple
i remember the guy at 7:16, he was just a guest doing some volunteer work while i was there, he liked me a lot and made sure to say goodbye to me before he left, i think he wanted me to give him my email or something and i'm not sure why i didn't, he respected me actually
he was very 'crunchy' and 'granola', as a lot of west coast americans are !
ice poseidon gets with the program, he has privated his reddit full of toxic users
" the reddit has been a toxic limb in my life, and i have to amputate that limb because otherwise long term i'm going to die if the cancer spreads from my arm to my body. and bro i like i said, the reddit only exists to bring me and everyone else down. there has been nothing good to come from reddit in months "
ice knows how to survive, toxic users are designed to bring you down .. they were affecting him so much he was considering suicide, of course his sleeping habits, diet, and drug use assisted in that thinking as well
" the reddit only existed to bring me down at this point. nobody ever wants to hang out, nobody ever wants to do anything, nobody ever wants to collab, nobody wants to fucking sponsor me .. like i can't do anything with my fucking career because that fucking reddit was bringing everything down. like why would any company want to sponsor me if they know it's going to get shit on by reddit ? why would anyone want to come be my friend when they know they're going to get shit on by reddit ? why the fuck would anyone feel comfortable streaming this house when they'll just get shit on by reddit ? "
i'd go on to say, and i'm thinking ice knows this, it wasn't the reddit, but the toxic users
" let me also put it this way, every person, literally everybody has always asked me ' can you just ban me from your fucking reddit ? ( being made a banned topic on the reddit ) " and i've always say no. there's a reason why a lot of other streamers a lot of people want me to collab with aren't collabing with me anymore, want to hang out with me, because nobody wants to be around the fucking reddit. you know what i mean ? when i went to twitchcon i didn't stream with any other fucking streamers because nobody wants to be around [the] fucking reddit, nobody wants to be a part of that, that's exactly what they told me, they said " ban me from your reddit please " i said no, so they stopped talking to me "
" the reddit was useful, but it outlived its usefulness, it really just turned into something bad. i've seen the good people leave the reddit, i've had messages from artists and actual good people, they were just like ' yeah i don't post there anymore because it's just, what's the point ? everything gets fucking downvoted that's not dog shit hate "
" i feel a lot better .. when i privated it, i woke up this morning, and i actually didn't feel any pressure or stress on my shoulders "
some people will say some act was 100% crazy, 100% insane
but i see at least an ounce of validity in most things people do, no matter how egregious
" you know how tough it is to eat alone "
no, i don't
i've been looking through reddit tonight and i've been seeing NSFW porn posts on the all page and i felt disgustednot all of them but some are just grossa small vision, i'm barking mad at someone who is trying to gaslight or antagonize me
i had commented that someone on kacent's stream looked autistic, she responded " you're one to talk jason "
when i say autistic, i don't mean it as a bad thing
i'm watching monastic videos this morning, what am i seeing ? old people and a lack of young people, gayness, hard labor, and not a single person who really appears to know what they're talking about
i was watching this one video made in 2011 of a romanian nunnery, the lady was reaching 100 years old and all she could talk about was how she was going to die soon and the anti-christ was going to arrive in 4 years
i'm going to fast today because my stomach doesn't feel right
my brother was over last night, he, my sister-in-law and my niece were at a hospital on sunday
i can't believe monastics and the religious make a big deal out of fasting, it's just for health but they have to intertwine some spiritual bullshit into it as well
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
it was 6pm and i had been taking a nap for about three hours, my father comes into my room but i don't notice because i have ear plugs in
he starts asking " have you eaten today ? you have to eat ! "
i sort of snapped back at him because he woke me up and i don't think he ever fasts so it's alien to him
you can give someone golden information or advice, even put it on a platter for them, and they'll just pass it by and never realize what was in front of them
i was warned to stay away from the toxic, aggressive people i've come across with streaming and discord, and instead to look at socially skilled and usefully intelligent people like mary kate wiles
last night i was watching kacent play "super seducer 2" , an actress stood out from the rest and kacent was commenting this is "jason's kind of woman"
during the game amelia bennett comments that she likes philosophy and meditation, her date partner has an option to call her boring
i'm not putting her on a pedestal, but you can tell who is socially skilled and a more useful intelligence .. you have someone like brittany venti, who although is intelligent, still continues to kick herself in the ass !
i watched this 40 minute documentary on an intervention done on a couple of young heroin addicts
there was no happy ending, they both dropped out within 40 days of treatment !
i got a valentine's day card, there's supposed to be 3 contestants in the squares !
after a week and a half of taking krill oil
February 17, 2019
my reply through the blog :
that's good, you should see more improvements
millenial guru leads a retreat in the netherlands, " infinity and abundance "
he has a girlfriend !
the retreat itself seemed sort of "sexy" , i didn't hear him mention celibacy at all . .
his instagram
my communicational skills aren't quite there yet for me to be a 'guru'
swatting from a police perspective
you want every piece of writing or art to be a hit, but it doesn't work that way
i'm walking on a cliff's edge, a misstep and i could fall into . . . something
insanity ?
crap, i have my local chinese place's phone number memorized
i think a lot of people feel compelled to do well with money so they can provide for their children
i'm lacking that
why do some of the best writers and artists only become famous posthumously ?
i don't get it
do i think i'm a good writer ? yes i do
do i think i'll become recognized some day ? i'm not sure
inkan
when i went to that local plumber that was looking for apprentices, only later finding out they had been looking for a month already and found apprentices, i entered and spoke to the secretary, she informed me that they had found someone of course
the master plumber was right in the background though just managing some papers and getting ready for the day since it was about 830am, he overheard of course and as i was getting to walk out we made eye contact and he gave a nod of approval and didn't say anything, if i found the job posting earlier he may have hired me, maybe i'm projecting but he did give a nod of approval
andrew says
i don't think you are projecting, but you really need to put in your own time to doing mechanical/electrical/plumbing work like the starter
they are looking for that sort of motivation and skill level
it a style of thinking you are not used to, you just need to actually start the process
i remember it was getting close to the end of the season at the farm i mainly worked at in massachusetts, it's where i first worked for a lesbian couple
a local newspaper had come in to take photos and interview for a couple hours, everyone at the farm participated besides me, i was told to keep working and basically stay out of the way
-----------------------------------------------
i had no skills but i worked hard for that farm, helping almost all the way through installing a 40 acre high-tensile wire fencing, driving a tractor and working through all of the haying process, helping with the understaffed garden and community shared agriculture program
i don't usually get angry at one thing, but a culmination of things
being asked to explain why i put alternating explosions in the eyes, i made this for a streamer
can you argue with schizophrenia ?
no, it doesn't exist to listen
you eventually pay the price if you're dealing drugs
keep them confused, right ?
you can make a lot of money in alaska, but then you have to buy freighted in groceries !
kacent is a female, she prefers to socialize with men
a friend bought a used bmw with 10k miles several years ago from a dealership
not too long ago he said he was on the highway going about 75mph and then his accelerator just stopped working, the car wouldn't go
he pulled over and the bmw was giving it's iconic beeping noise, he restarted the car and the car's computer was telling him not to go over 40mph
his warranty had just expired, but he somehow managed to get onto it again and the bmw dealership around here replaced his drivetrain and some other things to get it going again
he was lucky to get that warranty extended !
jason
yesterday i was at the park and i saw this man and girl walking towards me from the other way, then as i'm getting closer i see the girl looking at me but i tried not to look at her, i walked by but i have no idea what her face looks like
i made this awhile ago
messing around with windows paint 3d
i like to be wrong, it's more of a learning experience than being right
someone giving brittany advice when she says her mental illness is depression and she's depressed
i was thinking he wouldn't have be involved in his father's business forever, maybe ten years or something and he might be comfortably set for life
light blue eyes are quite stunning
a couple weeks ago it was my day off from work, i got a call from the lesbian assistant manager's girlfriend, who also works with me
worried i thought something was left wrong by me, i still let the call go to voicemail
ten minutes later i texted her asking if something was wrong
she replied " Yeah I was just calling to say hi, lol jk no worries Jason. I’ll text you later 😅 "
i didn't respond, and i get a call later from her i don't answer
well, i was let go at work by the assistant manager, that's alright cuz i'm ready to move ahead with my job
No comments:
Post a Comment