zen centers, i'm wishing for something that isn't there

photo album

video 1

video 2

having good improvement with tyromax so far, think i should stick to around 8 drops

haven't tried a split between 4 in the morning, 4 at night

better thinking, seems like i have more energy















seems like there's plenty of guns to go around in the u.s.


i guess i wasn't exposed to guns as much in southern new york because it's taboo to even own a gun
















crows must have a good sense of sight, i left those pig corpses outside in a bucket and when i came back an hour or two later to cover them up a crow was already picking at them, too bad for him there wasn't much left that was good anyway















i'm most comfortable when i'm alone

















my limited proficiency of portuguese and spanish would grant me easier travel all over south america
















emailed the cambridge zen center and providence zen center about possibly getting a scholarship to visit outside of retreat

both didn't offer any sort of help charging $50 and $60 a night respectively

i think they would offer a scholarship to stay during a retreat, but the more i think about retreating at centers the less appealing it is, the bad food, the strict meditation ..


i also emailed a several christian monasteries in the area, one offered to pay as little as i like, another offered to let me stay for free, and the other only offers retreats















gutted some piglets that either didn't make it through birth or the cold night, got plenty of organs, about 4 thyroids, missed one or two when i mixed it up with the larynx, immediately knew i took the larynx when it was too late to get the thyroids

ate 3 thyroids cooked and didn't notice much of an effect, later ate one raw and about an hour and half later i got pretty warm, flushed cheeks

also could've been the higher dose of vitamin e i took 300 iu


















english subtitled stanislaw lem documentary















desiccated thyroid treatment results

















ate badly last night and most of today, feeling sort of psychotic just from that














i went to a sustainable community farming seminar today

it was at this hippie retreat center, they had human waste compost inside in the living quarters, the stench my god !











stanislaw lem's " the futurological congress "

incredible book !














ended up ordering a thyroid supplement, branching off on my own and not really following the compendium, sort of intimidating














there's a different aspect to autistic people that most people do not have, it's an unyielding childishness
















there's a place that goes by an honor system selling raw milk, you take a gallon, leave 6 dollars in a box

also local eggs around, and of course offal from the farm i'm staying on !

it's good that i can pasteurize my own milk, should have more nutrients


the owners of the farm drink the milk raw, they all are in very good shape, they were on a reality tv show for "spartan races" last year














andrew:


we talk at each other, we talk to each other ,  what do we say ?

nothing

it's all wasted breath, but most people don't realize that

guy whose farm i'm staying is pretty intelligent, i think this farm life attracts a certain kind of person

he was telling me about this study before i got to read it

there's actually a decent supply of offal here, not thyroids which i really need, think i'll try to go to a butcher and see if i can find someone competent to cut that out for me



i told him about the uv lamp i'm trying to build because he has electric experience, and although i told him it would be for irradiating mushrooms he guessed that i could use it on my skin as well









large amounts of EMF coming from my computer speakers, i had a feeling there was something wrong with them before i even was able to read them














participated in reddit's social experiment robin

what i found it is people will keep talking bullshit and i don't really want to listen to it

i felt that i was being more real than most people involved in the chat, asking more real questions with everyone else using more cliches


at one point i was going to promote my blog in the chat, but i didn't think anyone would give the time to understand any of it













finished reading john kennedy toole's " a confederacy of dunces " today

it was a very funny book, and i found myself relating to igantius from time to time, someone i could have been !


there was a play in boston in december 2015 on the book, i might've gone if i was around and knew of it


i think i'll be processing the book for a while


i've got at least 20 other books waiting to be read, excited i finally have the room to read through them all

tour of ignatius' new orleans












getting settled into my new place, the quiet that i've lived without for most of my life

















poetry is an open thing
















sepehr :

Maybe you should show some humility for once given your weak attention span.

(regarding andrew)


me :

why is that a negative ?

had a dream last night that i walked past sepehr, we started talking and he wasn't acting so tough in person

he let me read part of his play and when is started reading i imagined a wall being built










not writing for a day or two, i found myself sort of missing it












two health related TIL posts within two days ( 1 , 2 )












andrew :

so the play opens with the frame filled with monetʼs  ‘ study of a figure outdoors  :  woman with a parasol, facing left ’ and morphs to an actual reality scene of monet’s intial vision of suzanne hoschedé on the embankment of the  ‘  l'ile  aux orties ’ ,  then him painting that picture back in the studio at giverny and then morphs back to the microscopically written play in the bottom right hand corner of the painting and the words are read to say the play starts with the frame filled with monetʼs . .

me :

the never ending play

went out to lunch with my family, which isn't something we usually do, well we saw our old pediatrician and his wife there 

he recognized my brothers, but they especially noticed me because i was the kid who cried " no pica ! (no shot !) " so loud that they thought the police would be called

i remember running around the office trying to hide anywhere i could

i was a smart cookie, it was the contents that scared me and not the needle