what i have to say to sepehr is way to go fuckwit !

well, my ex-girlfriend is pretty much out of my life and so that means i'm pretty much done with women in any sort of sexual way !

"Solitude, after all, is both fertile and fecund—a dark, deep, and mossy recess studded with gems. Your self is boring and inane only when you’re too busy, too hurried, or too harried to explore it properly. Given the time and opportunity to become acquainted with your own inner self, you’ll find an infinite font of secret wisdom there."

written by lorainne disabato

i had a lot of salt today from soy sauce, my heartbeat is faster than usual

andrew: 

1. wang wei, li po tu fu all affected by the an lushan rebellion !
   
   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/An_Lushan_Rebellion
   
   it really helps to read up on the lives of these great writers and poets, it explodes the hagiographic bullshit that religious morons push when you see the problematic lives of real people with an understanding of infinity !

me:

bloody times

sort of interesting that those three were from the same time period, and with tu fu and li po being close, sort of


yeah jesus first of all probably didn't exist, and if he did he wouldn't have lived for very long because he would have been assassinated, or executed, so it's sort of ridiculous to think that poets/saints lived carefree lives


even li po, tu fu, and even you worked for a large portion of your lives, li po and tu fu maybe not enjoying the spoils as much, considering their life span 

was watching barry lyndon when my friend called and told me he was outside with his dog (a staffordshire bull terrier), i figured i needed a break from the movie and decided i'd go walk around the block with the dog and him

he's walking the dog without a leash and eventually the dog sees a cat, the cat is pretty far away and walks away when it sees the dog, thought nothing would come of it, when we got near the backyard where the cat walked to the dog went wild and chased the cat into the bushes, i didn't see what happened but heard screams from the cat

the dog ran back with blood on it's snout, cat seemed to run away but with definite injuries

my friend later said he doesn't learn, i told him it's not that he doesn't learn he doesn't even start

i saw a rottweiller being walked without a leash once by the elementary school, it saw a squirrel and bolted similarly to the dog today

i don't know how to take good advice when it's given to me

i'm sort of excited to watch this, documentary of a ch'an monastery in China made by the director of "Amongst White Clouds"

director's blog

xanax definitely works, and it definitely has side effects !

just because i study zen doesn't mean i'm better than everyone else

tassajara-

one time i decided to climb one of the hills in tassajara where they had their solar panels, you had to walk up past the highest cabins for a good five minutes or more until you reached the top

it was a good hike and some guy gave me a book written by adyashanti and told me to read a certain chapter, i read it near the top but it was pretty bologna

anyway at the top i walked around for a bit and eventually i came to this platform that was sort of hanging off the edge and on the platform was two of their military mattresses with two pillows and a blanket all messed up

at first i thought it was a good spot to watch the stars and i was thinking of going up there myself at night, but then i realized how many people were fucking up there and i got sick, it was one of the moments i realized that tassajara was full of shit

the other moment i realized tassajara wasn't what i was projecting it to be was the first time i got there and the woman leslie greeted us with a fake smile

going to the park by myself, that's better than any church service !

my friends commented how in shape i was playing soccer the other night, i hardly noticed how much i was running, these vitamins and this diet isn't for nothing !

growing up i didn't have much to read, my parents were illiterate and from a different country, but my love for reading was very strong, the books i did have i would read at night until i would sometimes fall asleep with the book still open in my hands losing the page

this sort of reading i'm doing now i've been waiting for a long time, i'm in love with reading 

writing still eludes me, i've just started and shouldn't be so ambitious 

no one wants to hear any sort of truth