sane in the psych ward

when you're strong

doubt

when you're weak

doubt

it's all recurring bullshit !

do you have anything to say ? or is it just a bigger mistake ? considering it's all a mistake

BCD is helping my overall health very much so, it shows while i'm playing soccer as i'm running all over the field and hardly get winded ! also thinking better which leads to better plays

i'm making progress, but i'm a man unchanged !

[–]to zaddar1 [+94] sent 1 day ago

i brought my brother and sister in law to meet dave and his girlfriend to see dave's property, he has foundation down to build a new house there and i'd like to help him with that process so i could learn something

anyway my sister in law was saying how my father is handy and how my brother and i aren't, well i pointed out that my father has 40 years of experience over me and i use the same logic when i ask you questions because i figure you have at least 35 years of experience over me, even real experience of zen

[–]from zaddar1 [+94] sent 16 hours ago

some people learn their entire lives, most don't

however you are definitely an "intellectual" type person, you will always be able to see things that are utterly beyond others !

everything is just an ever changing view

with zen there appear to be two quite different modes, those who copy and proxy and those who integrate it into their lives . .

sometimes i wish there were more time in a day

linda bukowski interview, where she is asked if she thinks charles was happy with the way his life turned out

LB: He was happy the way his life turned out. He was. Because he opened up all the doors and windows of his house. He opened up not the front, only the front, the back, the side. He opened up the attic, he, you know, went into the crawl spaces. He hung out in all these places, and he breathed it in, the dust from all those rooms. And he was able to breathe it out again on paper. And he had to keep doing that. That was his life breath. That's what came from him. And that's what he breathed in and out.

the stupid gather and the smart stay home !

what's worse, talking about guns or zombies ?

two golden horses, one stationery and one flying up into the sky

if someone calls them self crazy, believe them

why should i imagine ?

even if it will never be true

it's tough to do the right thing when you have nothing to do the right thing for

[–]from zaddar1 [+94] sent 8 minutes ago

you will always be on the edge of survival, to support the existance of another imperils your own

i've been attracted to these damaged sort of girls for so long

i was like 12 and i met this girl who was 16 or 17 and she would call me at night

we would talk about sex, w.e

girl was messed up

so was i

' most people don't realize how much energy is wasted on talking '

what i was holding myself back from saying

" why are you trying to bother me ? "

i feel better when i'm reading quality stuff, like the recent postings on the 7th zen patriarch blog about dante's 'inferno' and khalil gibran and his writings

i am a broken puzzle piece that will never fit into the communal paradigm !

reading

had some good yogurt this morning from sidehill farm, the yogurt was almost yellow, their jams are good too besides the extra sugar they add in

met two other artists this last weekend at a 4th of july family/friends barbeque

well, they're okay, they put on a good show, thy didn't really use slang at the party like they do in their rap

i told one of them i wrote after he told me about his rap group and i warned him that i only write crazy shit, he didn't ask how he could read any of it, my sister in law did though !

one of the rap artists started yelling out trivia questions during dinner and singing patriotic songs

you tell people, they don't want to know

walking out of the pizzeria i came up with the poem, i repeated it a couple of times but didn't write it down, a year and a half later i'm still beating myself up over it

i didn't think i was making much progress with my health, but when i went to long island for the weekend and i saw myself in my old mirror, there really was a difference from before !

i think charles bukowski and i have a lot in common, even stomach problems

i'm ' howl at the world ' mad

' jason masters zen '

well, doesn't feel too different to put words to it, it doesn't stop here though !

am on long island for the weekend, feeling a bit depressed ?

any way, ever since zakaj and andrew criticized sepehr for his projections into his cats i've noticed that my dogs here on long island don't have as much personality as i previously thought they did

to say cats have a larger scope than humans is insane

personally, i think im sorta shit, but comparatively ...

an old friend of mine was joking on her snapchat story that how her friend felt at work was "wanting a husband"

that's sorta disgusting really

haven't noticed the sunset, too busy staring at the computer screen or the ceiling

andrew's

c o m m e n t

how difficult can zen be ? jason just follows lines of inquiry in a certain direction and develops from there . .

and then thereʼs reddit zen, so much wrong minded energy ! : o)

it only takes one person to really disagree with you and all your energy goes into futilely arguing with them, i think thatʼs why its so important that the 7th zen patriarch blog is basically friendly !

lana del rey singing ' cherry blossoms ' to her instagram fans

hours behind a screen, i hope i'm gaining something

a wide brimmed hat manages to keep a lot of flying insects away from your head !

someone at the game actually asked his friend: " didn't you have a concussion recently ? "

reply: " uh... well i'm not sure it was a concussion "

andrew:

i was in east devonport today and got a haircut , the hairdresser was a very heavily tattooed young woman and she had ‘ a tickle in her throat ’ that ‘ wouldnʼt go away ’ , she was coughing and complained/said that nothing worked for it

the reason tattoos last is the body treats the inks as an infection that it canʼt get rid of , not a good basis for health !

this young woman also had thick facial skin makeup on, she was attractive and the overall effect was to very much detract from that and i wondered what was going on with her !

it was a good haircut !

thyroid is definitely getting less 'swollen' with tyromax, good results

the songwriter obfuscates his writing with song, the writer is more pure

i've been playing soccer lately and it's been good exercise, i've also been avoiding heading the ball like when a corner kick is taken i'll step out of the box

i was good when i was young and sort stooped down as i got older, i think it was the competitive aspect that was unrelentless week after week so since it's just for fun now i can enjoy it more

the running is good, it will be difficult for me to get into long distance running but with soccer it's very fun while also getting the running in

i got a bike helmet too so i can bike to work, about a half hour, thing is i like to relax for a half hour at home before work..

andrew:

everything has a flaw, you can get the benefit without the flaw by just making a change in the way you do things that slips unnoticed through the system, like not doing the head butting as it has been shown to cause traumatic brain injury !

“ if you actually compare the brains of people who have taken lots of sub-concussive hits to ones that have taken a single big hit, the sub-concussive brains often look worse ”

also jason, where you are living, being hyper aware of ticks and not getting lymes !

Jason Da Fonte:

it's too bad your blog hasn't kept up with you, you used to write really interesting stuff

dave st germain:

Some people “write for themselves”, but I never felt that way. Since almost nobody reads what I might write, I don’t see the point of it. Recently, somebody was encouraging me to write 750 words per day. We’ll see about that...

Jason Da Fonte:

well i would read it, i could guess two or three people who would as well

andrew :

depression and what goes with it undercuts absolutely everything . . .

vice documentary " the man who eats roadkill "

the comment section is actually very in favor of his actions, with a lot of vegans agreeing with what he's doing

bald man with long hair, skinny and shirtless sitting in a chair in front of a mirror playing a ukulele laughing maniacally

had a pint of heavy cream several days ago and it made me depressed, just getting over it today

mike's bodhidharma

" you are such an old soul ! "

yes, I am so autistic

having something explained to you and understanding it on your own are two different levels

learn to be alone

i've been looking through a dating application called " tinder " and i was thinking there must be a basic bitch formula, all these girls are saying, doing, and looking the same !

elaine gottschall ( founder of the scd diet ) interview

assessing a woman seems to go gut reaction, then to the balls, and finally the brain

i'm always changing.. physically, mentally

always, always, always

my father used to get tickets to hockey games at the coliseum, he'd sometimes take me while i was still young and usually it was just to humor him as i didn't and still don't know the rules of hockey very well

well it was the last period and our team was down by five, there was something like 5 minutes left and most fans were getting up walking out up the aisles to leave, my father was ready to leave too but i told him to wait until the end, i had a good feeling

one goal, two goals, more goals and by the end we were winning, the remaining fans were going nuts, the loud buzzer went off and i walked out of there like i accomplished something

[–]kaneckt 1 point 2 days ago

[–]Dogonapillow 1 point 2 days ago

[–]kaneckt 2 points 2 days ago

[–]Dogonapillow 1 point 2 days ago

[–]zaddar1 [+92]7th patriarch 2 points 5 days ago

[–]Dogonapillow 1 point 5 days ago

[–]zaddar1 [+92]7th patriarch 1 point 5 days ago

[–]Dogonapillow 1 point 5 days ago

[–]zaddar1 [+92]7th patriarch 2 points 5 days ago

[–]Dogonapillow 1 point 2 days ago

why are people like flies attracted to shit ?

"so you're okay with just sitting around ?"

yeah

at the supermarket there's this cute girl who i often look at, one of the two girls that work there, when i see a girl once every two months it's sort of special

anyway, i think she was looking at me too, maybe she was interested or just wondered who i was because when i was checking out she asked ' where i was from ? ' i told her the town over and asked where she was from. she said she grew up in that town and knew everybody who came in

anyway eventually she tells me she's a songwriter and she's on the local radio station, i thought that was pretty cool and asked if she had any youtube videos so she wrote down her name for me and songs i should look up

her voice is okay, but her songs are sort of cliched and mostly about love, idk what i'm gonna say if she asks me what I thought

i told her i wrote, she said writing keeps you sane, i agreed and told her my blog name

another good source of bukowski related things

it's tough for women and men to be friends

me:

why do zen teachers feel compelled to find an heir but great writers like Charles Bukowski don't ?

andrew:

well the writing is the heir !

wang wei, li po and tu fu left their poems, but they were literate

i think a characteristic of tang and sung dynasty zen is the lack of literacy by most zen masters, you needed heirs or followers to have your pearls passed on, joshu i think was illiterate !

plus there's always a lot of manual labour in zen to keep the monasteries and hermitages going, any man over age 40 running such a place needs young labour !

in addition celibacy places a different perspective, charles bukowski had a daughter for instance !

toni packer who wasn't keen on the idea of "heirs" eventually caved in and gave permission to teach to some students of hers, i think this was to keep the springwater center running and care for herself as she got older

i think really its a circumstances thing

a lot to do with the direction your life takes . .

' don't ask, do ! '

we were outside shearing a sheep and i had to get low to hold the sheep down, a tick must've latched onto my clothes because when i went inside and laid down i felt it maybe trying to burrow into my elbow

well, i flicked it off and picked it up with a towel to bring to the cutting board and lined it up with a knife to cut down the middle but i missed and cut 4 of its legs, it sat there motionless and i thought it might be dead

it ended up hauling pretty fast in a couple of moments, using its now nubs and walking more left than it would've with its whole body intact

i thought that ticks didn't purposefully get Lyme's disease, this tick might've had it though and so I lined it up with the knife once more and sliced it down the middle revealing its grayish green guts, and into the sink with this morning beans

" i just got home and i'm hiding outside so that i don't have to watch the batchelorette with my wife "

"why do you have to watch it ? "

" what am i going to do ? go upstairs and sit in my office ? "

" ah, the married life "

ewk:

Your irrational belief that you are the 7th Patriarch isn't a basis for you to "teach" in this forum.

I encourage you to consult a mental health professional about your religious experiences and online conduct.

me:

ever read charles bukowski ? he thought he was inches away from a psych ward, and he was 1 quadrillion times more interesting than you

me:

you know some of the historicity of zen, but you don't know the real thing, the real work, aka " straight up real zen, not fake voynich ! :o) "

andrew:

he (ed. ewk) is so weak in his "research" its a travesty to call it "research"

if you actually read dogen and look at a map of the monasteries he visited , you realise he went to china !

hakuin is one of my favorite zen masters, the 7th patriarch doesn't require a language translation though

my favorite bird song that i've heard in person

right and wrong is an illusion

i've been having a lot of success with folapro, waking up without grogginess but have been dreaming more

friend visiting

my relationship with women right now is to stay away

the country helps because there aren't that many women to start with

charles darwin suffered serious health problems through his professional life, i would say it's not far off to say he might've had chagas disease, and it's worth noticing that he took arsenic pills as a child

lewis carroll documentary, good to get an introduction on the writer, his life and supposed scandals

lewis carroll's self portrait

i'm sad to see old links from other websites on andrew's website that no longer work, like a lost knowledge that i'll never be able to know

well apparently 90% of links can be recovered !

helped to shear some sheep today, it's interesting how they become immobile once they're off their feet

sane in the psych ward

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Sunday, June 26, 2016

Sunday, May 29, 2016