Conversation
a different youtube channel, he has to cover his face because he's basically doing illegal stuff in every video he posts
you don't quite get the adrenaline that he experiences watching the videos, but you also don't risk prison time
when i meet intelligent, agreeable, and sane people the conversation flows much easier as there is less tension and fighting, which probably take a good amount of energy to deal with
things are never perfect is the problem
humbling seeing einstein leaning back
neil degrasse tyson has taken a lot from einstein, neil has the mustache too !
just 1/4 of a second from their lives turning for the worse
faced with the truth, long held beliefs fade away
-----------------------------------------------------------
this homily isn't exactly what i came up with after waking up in a hypnagogic state but it's pretty close
it's worth explaining what happened in the hypnagogic state
in the dream i woke up on the beach, waking up from a dream within a dream
my friend runs into the water and i sort of am just on my feet now
i'm thinking, no i need to rest for a little longer so i can process the dream i just had, but i run into the very calm shallow water, throwing a frisbee once or twice
i'm not even sure there were waves, maybe far away .. there's a beach around here that will often have a sort of sandbar with shallow water and 100 feet away there will be waves
then in the far distance there is a huge whale, like 5x the size of a blue whale ? and the whale is smacking its tail against the water repeatably making huge splashes in the distance
and my friend is pointing and i point and signal to my friends family to look, look
they see it and then i believe in the dream i start thinking, this is ridiculous, whales can't be that big, so i wake up
and i wake up quite depressed actually, a deeper feeling of depression
as i'm waking up i'm realizing, well actually whales were that big once, there were giant marine animals
i stayed in bed for several hours yesterday after waking up
the current western movie market is really bad, i had to watch a recent bollywood action film to see how bad the western stuff is comparatively !
no one wants to get serious, they just want to be entertained
the rule of thumb is that the brain reaches maturity at 25, there's some give or take to that rule
at the end of my showers i've switched the water over to cold, even with less than a week of doing this i've noticed my skin improving
i would like to quit sugar completely, minus fruits
my problem is that if it's in the house then i can't control myself, which is why when i was living by myself things were easier in that regard
in the country there are large wild animals, in the cities there are wild people
men trade getting in a relationship for many pursuits
no cell phones in 1993 america
i've watched 20 of these videos at least in the last several days
it's not traveling but it's the closest thing to it !
a friend is interested in a mutual friend of mine so i went along with him to a dancing bar and met up with a handful of girls i've grown up with
i'm not a dancer so i was out of place
anyway just hanging out there leaning against the wall by the bar this girl around my age or younger maybe rubs her whole chest against me as she squeezes by and i feel everything, it was done on purpose
i see her again once or twice, and then she passes by me and whips her hair into my face like she's mad i didn't go speak to her
i don't think i deserved it
there's more to say about this night but i don't even want to get into it, but basically i was astounded by how many predatory guys go to this kind of place and just want to fuck, well i guess it works out for them or else they wouldn't be there
there was this one very attractive girl when i went to go use the bathroom, we made eye contact and i kept walking my way
i tell my friend i could do well with women at a place like this, he agrees but says more so when i was younger
yeah now i just don't give much of a shit
" do you want to come over for dinner ? "
no
" will you walk me home ? "
no
in delaware the house was right on the beach
it had been raining all day and i was on the back covered porch reading with a couple of other adults
my friend's mother tells me to look up from the book since a rainbow was about to appear
clouds were moving off the water and surely enough a rainbow appeared very slowly from nothing
what i was thinking while this was happening was how much there was left to learn, how without someone pointing out a rainbow was about to appear i would've never noticed it forming
kacents asks me what happened to that girl from pennsylvania i was interested in
my response
key word, WAS
i went on a short trip to delaware
the trip went well for the most part, my friends family were very kind to me, especially the women knowing my mother passed away, i felt like crying a good amount of times
my friend's cousin who is adopted celebrated her birthday while we were there, she turned 16 so it was pretty special but the party itself wasn't special, just cake and opening gifts, i've known her since she was 7 or something like that
it was nice to be around a young woman like that, she almost transformed while i was there turning into some kind of young adult or something
she likes me at least a bit, maybe she wants to date me in the future i don't know, we were standing on line to get ice cream once and she nudged me with her elbow like it was a mistake, of course she's so young so i had to ignore her during the trip for the most part. my friends mother and the cousins mother noticed all of these strange tensions in the air too and were playing with it
i brought northanger abbey by jane austen with me, i was reminded that the young woman was named Emma after jane austen's book, i completely forgot, i only opened up the book the last day but i plan on finishing it
i also read 'waiting for godot' and i think it had an impact on me, that being silly is ok and that life is a lot of nonsense and insanity as well
i want to start reading more and i think i will, do my own retreat here at home maybe
if it was easy, if there was no problem
you wouldn't learn anything
i'm quieter now than when i was a child
because when i start to talk is when the problems start !
not really writing as much, been busy i guess
that mixed with a poor diet, not getting as much contemplation time as i like keeps me sort of absent from the spontaneous poems
interesting story anyway, my great aunt was here today and she was saying how one year when i was little i went to portugal and i spoke portuguese very well, and the next i was speaking more english and shying away from portuguese
my mother asked, " so what's up ? you spoke portuguese so well last year ! " and i responded " i could speak english and portuguese if i had two brains ! "
i sort of remember saying this
No comments:
Post a Comment