i'm in my zone when i'm alone
what i'm learning from friends is that they eat dumb shit, do dumb shit, and then repeat the cycle
what i learned from going to parties is the moments i remember most is when i would give myself a moment to go outside with no one else
" the rough sea / stretching out towards Sado / the Milky Way "
HanShan
i've been spending most of my free time in my room, only leaving for food in the kitchen
doesn't matter how intelligent you might be, the mind needs to be stretched and not by jerking yourself off with your monotonous thoughts, but by reading others and having experience
my father's side has ulcers and alzheimers, my mother's side cancers and migraines, i'm fucked
half a ghost, you're there but i don't really see you
my other friend has been using heroin for at least a year now, probably longer, he matches the bill looks just like a heroin user
my friend was talking about how he experienced anxiety one time, i thought 'one time ?! ' jesus it's daily at this point, maybe hourly
life's always been shit, i'm just used to it at this point
it'll get worse though, and then i'll die
sepehr and zakaj are a mix of moron and intellectual, spouting bullshit constantly with little review of what they're saying
they don't listen, just talk talk talk way too much
since i got to the 7thzenpatriarch blog i didn't like either of them, i guess because they don't review their lives, how much time can you have when you're married ?
zakaj has a guru, what a lame ass, he can't even see the guy is a fake
i mean the two are better than the average, but when you wish for "normative ethics" how much better than the normal can you be ? sepehr doesn't care about enlightenment, what the fuck is he doing then
andrew moderating his blog, i don't know what to think about that since in the past he's criticized people for doing just that
i can understand it being tough for him, especially zakaj and sepehr writing essays on nothing too important
yeah so they don't think he's authentic, so really they're just messing with his time
f u c k i n g m o r o n s the two of them
** because this blog is fun, and your writings are fun and interesting ** is zakaj's comment
pretty much shows that zakaj is messing around
i wouldn't say i have fun on the 7th zen patriarch blog
i have been laughing recently with all of this
anxiety is going down thanks to lithium carbonate
some people like to consume so much alcohol they forget the whole night, or accomplish the same thing by combining alcohol and prescription meds like xanax, my question is 'what is the point ?'
every time i ask no one seems to have an answer
when i was younger playing xbox this older guy was saying he needed to take a smoke break so bad, i asked why, he said it was to relieve stress, we asked if his source of stress was needing to take smoke break, he just got angry at the question
new mexico's jemez mountains
i want to write too, but i feel that i can only write retarded stuff about myself, i want to write about others too
i had some bread stuff yesterday, i feel like my thinking is slower
andrew yells to the universe
i will never die, others may but i never will !
"Why should Infinity matter to me if there is no greater fruit to it?"
what does this say about sepehr ?
what does this say about sepehr ?
lately i've been inviting people to post on the 7thzenpatriarch blog, and so far no one has posted ! i don't know what they're so scared about, but it's the same thing for andrew, he invites people to post and they just don't
people want to get fucked up and ferget about their shitty lives
ReplyDeletewhy don't you write about sepehr and zakaj
you could too
DeleteSeemed like they were trying to break him
DeleteSepehr and Zakaj were raining blows on him until he said "ENOUGH!"
He couldn't take it anymore
He's like that story about that man and two flies
I don't know much philosophy but it seems like a game people play, what with all it's rules and what now.
DeleteThings can't be a certain way, things are a certain way.
Trying to keep things in boundaries when the reality these boundaries must be broken.
Reality didn't fit into rules before or during its inception, right?
.
Why do you think Andrew treats us kindly and them not so much ?
Deletesomething about listening/taking onboard what he says
Deletenot pushing bullshit
They're kings of pushing bullshit
DeleteIdk the story about the man and flies
Yeah the boundaries have to be broken , we weren't born with a set of rules
Where were you Andrew talking about being careful with your writing ?
The flies are angry bits of life;
ReplyDeletewhy are they so angry?
it seems they want more,
it seems almost as if they
are angry
that they are flies;
it is not my fault;
I sit in the room
with them
and they taunt me
with their agony;
it is as if they were
loose chunks of soul
left out of somewhere;
I try to read a paper
but they will not let me
be;
one seems to go in half-circles
high along the wall,
throwing a miserable sound
upon my head;
the other one, the smaller one
stays near and teases my hand,
saying nothing,
rising, dropping
crawling near;
what god puts these
lost things upon me?
other men suffer dictates of
empire, tragic love…
I suffer
insects…
I wave at the little one
which only seems to revive
his impulse to challenge:
he circles swifter,
nearer, even making
a fly-sound,
and one above
catching a sense of the new
whirling, he too, in excitement,
speeds his flight,
drops down suddenly
in a cuff of noise
and they join
in circling my hand,
strumming the base
of the lampshade
until some man-thing
in me
will take no more
unholiness
and I strike
with the rolled-up-paper -
missing! -
striking,
striking,
they break in discord,
some message lost between them,
and I get the big one
first, and he kicks on his back
flicking his legs
like an angry whore,
and I come down again
with my paper club
and he is a smear
of fly-ugliness;
the little one circles high
now, quiet and swift,
almost invisible;
he does not come near
my hand again;
he is tamed and
inaccessible; I leave
him be, he leaves me
be;
the paper, of course,
is ruined;
something has happened,
something has soiled my
day,
sometimes it does not
take man
or a woman,
only something alive;
I sit and watch
the small one;
we are woven together
in the air
and the living;
it is late
for both of us.
Your last sentence confuses me. I was writing some suicidal posts or something I guess. No biggie.
Thanks for the poem
Deletereading others then having your own thoughts and insights about what you read
ReplyDeletestill jerking off, no?
or say you're always jerking off to your thoughts and getting nowhere, stagnating. then you read something else, something new and exciting, but in the ends it's just a another way of jerking off, a new way.
piecing together the canopy
a perfect way to jerk off
is this new or am i always jerking off
Deleteis it always old and never new
or always new and never old
or ?
what is it ?
I guess I read your stuff and stretched my mind or whatever.
DeleteHe he he !
it's a constant jerk off with me
Deleteidk dude you're probably right about having new experiences and thoughts on the matter, didn't mean to put your down or anything.
Deletei was just expressing my current problem i've been stuck with, thinking there's nothing to do and refusing to move from there, trying to stop every new insight from forming, thinking that it's pointless to do that.
but i've been reading some hakuin and he discussed my predicament where people don't want to do anything but silent sitting in some dark cave and where people start having problems with every minor thing that comes up for them.
i was feeling kinda wired when i wrote that too. had a troubling experience and it got me uptight and heated, it made me feel explosive! i think that experience and your writing made me realize a few things though which i already wrote earlier on this comment.
it's good to have these ideas and to look at others, instead of always thinking things through in the same way. looking at different angles, getting a different picture. which is basically what you wrote, i think, lol.
Yeah I'm really for exploring every angle and that involves taking in the thoughts of others, can't just rely on yourself
DeleteI've had that thought since I was young
Deletewell i listened to too much ug krishnamurti until i had enough. what he said was find out for yourself, i can't help you, no one can help you. i listened to him so much i got sick of him, wasn't getting anywhere. i listen to him once and awhile tho.
Deletealso referring to your party bit, they always say "you missed out" when in reality it's the same damn thing they do everytime.
In the recent past, my day began with the worst dream imaginable. I dreamt I was with a friend watching the grey desolate sky asking what happens after we die. Many people were in the corner watching storm clouds forming. Grey clouds came together in an uncanny fashion and we all looked up. Some people whispered of the coming of Christ or God to save them from their troubles. My own friend disappeared into the fog and haze. Immediately, my vision focused on an abject skull-shaped cloud staring down at us. My perspective zoomed into it and passed its nebulous form into another territory. I heard this voice, "You were already alive before, now you are dead." I saw visions of grandeur oblivion and a destructive refulgence, a white void with no ground. I saw brief flashes of my face and loved ones dissolving into a kind of nothingness. I was told in a repetitious staccato and muffled voice I'm already dead to the point of inexplicable of dread.
ReplyDeleteThe dream ended with the skull cloud in view once more glaring at me. I woke up sweating and feeling spacey, and it felt like I visited another realm or got a bad omen.
Infinity absorbs you to the point where everything is nothing; it reduces you to the point where pain no longer is proof of existence. There is no beauty in it.
do you think there's an afterlife ?
Deletethose cold sweat dreams are never nice, my last one i woke up crying without tears because in the dream my brother was yelling at me
sepehr maybe i'm just being a toe kissing disciple but it's really crazy how you don't listen to andrew and are able to go on these crazy rants without addressing what andrew is saying
it's really like you have little self awareness, and like andrew has said it would be a waste because you have a good intelligence
you should consider starting a blog, it's nice to get your thoughts down somewhere