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Sunday, May 29, 2016




i've been playing soccer lately and it's been good exercise, i've also been avoiding heading the ball like when a corner kick is taken i'll step out of the box
i was good when i was young and sort stooped down as i got older, i think it was the competitive aspect that was unrelentless week after week so since it's just for fun now i can enjoy it more
the running is good, it will be difficult for me to get into long distance running but with soccer it's very fun while also getting the running in
i'd be happier with it if i didn't have to be in contact with potentially viral people, could be 22 people in a game



i got a bike helmet too so i can bike to work, about a half hour, thing is i like to relax for a half hour at home before work..














Jason Da Fonte:
it's too bad your blog hasn't kept up with you, you used to write really interesting stuff 

dave st germain:
Some people “write for themselves”, but I never felt that way. Since almost nobody reads what I might write, I don’t see the point of it. Recently, somebody was encouraging me to write 750 words per day. We’ll see about that...

Jason Da Fonte:
well i would read it, i could guess two or three people who would as well

















andrew :

depression and what goes with it undercuts absolutely everything . . .


















vice documentary " the man who eats roadkill "

the comment section is actually very in favor of his actions, with a lot of vegans agreeing with what he's doing




















bald man with long hair, skinny and shirtless sitting in a chair in front of a mirror playing a ukulele laughing maniacally 




















had a pint of heavy cream several days ago and it made me depressed, just getting over it today





















mike's bodhidharma
















" you are such an old soul ! "

yes, I am so autistic
















having something explained to you and understanding it on your own are two different levels













learn to be alone











i've been looking through a dating application called " tinder " and i was thinking there must be a basic bitch formula, all these girls are saying, doing, and looking the same !




















elaine gottschall ( founder of the scd diet ) interview




















assessing a woman seems to go gut reaction, then to the balls, and finally the brain











i'm always changing.. physically, mentally

always, always, always



















my father used to get tickets to hockey games at the coliseum, he'd sometimes take me while i was still young and usually it was just to humor him as i didn't and still don't know the rules of hockey very well

well it was the last period and our team was down by five, there was something like 5 minutes left and most fans were getting up walking out up the aisles to leave, my father was ready to leave too but i told him to wait until the end, i had a good feeling


one goal, two goals, more goals and by the end we were winning, the remaining fans were going nuts, the loud buzzer went off and i walked out of there like i accomplished something



















[–]kaneckt 1 point 2 days ago 
You seem insecure
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[–]Dogonapillow 1 point 2 days ago 
you are an idiot
what do you do man besides kiss ewk's feet ? do you do anything real or peripheral to zen ? or are you just a bad pretender ?

















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[–]kaneckt  2 points 2 days ago 
You're kissing ewk's feet. I think you're obsessed with him.
I don't do any zen real or pretend or peripheral. In fact I have no clue what your question even means.
I'm an idiot.
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[–]Dogonapillow 1 point 2 days ago 
yep !

















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[–]zaddar1 [+92]7th patriarch 2 points 5 days ago 

the moon floating above the pines beams its healing rays, warming those "who know"

harmonies flow from the finger tips to make the listener and player weep . .

an intrinsic deep melody of a complexity, beauty and harmony that rivets !

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[–]Dogonapillow 1 point 5 days ago 
really good
bet no one on the forum could translate that better
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[–]zaddar1 [+92]7th patriarch 1 point 5 days ago 
a bit more than a translation !
this is the big thing to get used to in zen, what we see in the records is like an emaciated shorn sheep compared to the original, or at least what some of the originals must have been
the "boundarized morons" of course pout and sling mud because their empty fraud is exposed when confronted with real emotional depth !
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[–]Dogonapillow 1 point 5 days ago 
they can't read it or they can't believe it
they want to stay in their paltry understanding
when you read zen stuff, are you doing a sort of translation as you're reading ?
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[–]zaddar1 [+92]7th patriarch 2 points 5 days ago 
nah, it takes literally decades to get the background to "realign" this stuff and then add a dash of inspiration !
actually i guess what you say is somewhat the case !
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    have you not read the shouting koan?
    Case 10 - Mu Chou's Thieving Phony
    Mu Chou asked a monk, “Where have you just come from?”
    The monk immediately shouted.
    Mu Chou said, “I've been shouted at by you once.”
    Again the monk shouted.
    Mu Chou said, “After three or four shouts, then what?”
    The monk had nothing to say.
    Mu Chou then hit him and said, “What a thieving phony you are!”

    [–]Dogonapillow 1 point 2 days ago 
    i think it was a tradition to yell at zen teachers to prove you had understanding, it's still a tradition in japan not surprisingly, there's a youtube video of it out there somewhere
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    why are people like flies attracted to shit ?
















    "so you're okay with just sitting around ?"


    yeah





















    at the supermarket there's this cute girl who i often look at, one of the two girls that work there, when i see a girl once every two months it's sort of special

    anyway, i think she was looking at me too, maybe she was interested or just wondered who i was because when i was checking out she asked ' where i was from ? ' i told her the town over and asked where she was from. she said she grew up in that town and knew everybody who came in

    anyway eventually she tells me she's a songwriter and she's on the local radio station, i thought that was pretty cool and asked if she had any youtube videos so she wrote down her name for me and songs i should look up

    her voice is okay, but her songs are sort of cliched and mostly about love, idk what i'm gonna say if she asks me what I thought

    i told her i wrote, she said writing keeps you sane, i agreed and told her my blog name





































    another good source of bukowski related things














































    it's tough for women and men to be friends


















    me:

    why do zen teachers feel compelled to find an heir but great writers like Charles Bukowski don't ?



    andrew:


    well the writing is the heir !

    wang wei, li po and tu fu left their poems, but they were literate

    i think a characteristic of tang and sung dynasty zen is the lack of literacy by most zen masters, you needed heirs or followers to have your pearls passed on, joshu i think was illiterate !

    plus there's always a lot of manual labour in zen to keep the monasteries and hermitages going, any man over age 40 running such a place needs young labour !

    in addition celibacy places a different perspective, charles bukowski had a daughter for instance !

    toni packer who wasn't keen on the idea of "heirs" eventually caved in and gave permission to teach to some students of hers, i think this was to keep the springwater center running and care for herself as she got older

    i think really its a circumstances thing

    a lot to do with the direction your life takes . .





















    ' don't ask, do ! '













    we were outside shearing a sheep and i had to get low to hold the sheep down, a tick must've latched onto my clothes because when i went inside and laid down i felt it maybe trying to burrow into my elbow

    well, i flicked it off and picked it up with a towel to bring to the cutting board and lined it up with a knife to cut down the middle but i missed and cut 4 of its legs, it sat there motionless and i thought it might be dead

    it ended up hauling pretty fast in a couple of moments, using its now nubs and walking more left than it would've with its whole body intact

    i thought that ticks didn't purposefully get Lyme's disease, this tick might've had it though and so I lined it up with the knife once more and sliced it down the middle revealing its grayish green guts, and into the sink with this morning beans














    " i just got home and i'm hiding outside so that i don't have to watch the batchelorette with my wife "


    "why do you have to watch it ? "


    " what am i going to do ? go upstairs and sit in my office ? "


    " ah, the married life "














    ewk:

    Your irrational belief that you are the 7th Patriarch isn't a basis for you to "teach" in this forum.
    I encourage you to consult a mental health professional about your religious experiences and online conduct.


    me:

    ever read charles bukowski ? he thought he was inches away from a psych ward, and he was 1 quadrillion times more interesting than you









    me:


    you know some of the historicity of zen, but you don't know the real thing, the real work, aka " straight up real zen, not fake voynich ! :o) "


    andrew:

    he (ed. ewk) is so weak in his "research" its a travesty to call it "research"
    if you actually read dogen and look at a map of the monasteries he visited , you realise he went to china !












    hakuin is one of my favorite zen masters, the 7th patriarch doesn't require a language translation though















    my favorite bird song that i've heard in person



















    right and wrong is an illusion












    i've been having a lot of success with folapro, waking up without grogginess but have been dreaming more


















    friend visiting
















    my relationship with women right now is to stay away

    the country helps because there aren't that many women to start with


















    charles darwin suffered serious health problems through his professional life, i would say it's not far off to say he might've had chagas disease, and it's worth noticing that he took arsenic pills as a child

























    lewis carroll documentary, good to get an introduction on the writer, his life and supposed scandals

    lewis carroll's self portrait

















    i'm sad to see old links from other websites on andrew's website that no longer work, like a lost knowledge that i'll never be able to know


    well apparently 90% of links can be recovered !

















    helped to shear some sheep today, it's interesting how they become immobile once they're off their feet 
    Posted by jason at 9:15 PM 2 comments:
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    Thursday, April 21, 2016












    andrew :

    Yuefeng took off his sandal and hit ewk on the head with it
    ewk being rotund and greasy, rolled away !
    Yuefeng called after him ,  “ You stupid arsehole ! ”
     ewk winced and a visible shudder went through that fat blab of rolling pork ! !























    i think sepehr has been making more sense to me, maybe all that writing he's done has attributed to that


    i have to agree with andrew, it's a post well written

















    i don't know where people go when they die, to me it's like they're not even gone















    there's hardly such a thing as rush hour in the country !
















    this movie about dogen had its interesting parts, like the interpretation of his visions, i'm not sure how historically accurate the movie is as i haven't read much about dogen's life


















    i'm thinking of starting to bike to work, it's about a 30 minute bike ride, there's also a tai chi class a couple of towns over.. i might try it out but i don't think i'd stick with it
    i havent been meditating as much as i'd like to, i'm not sure why, i did have a pleasant time outside last night so i think i'll be doing that more often
    i've caught two ticks on my skin so far that hadn't bitten, you can feel them crawling around but i still do checks when i remember to



















    the clouds drifted by as the yellow moon rose over the trees

















    david foster wallace actually has a lot of fire in his voice during his speech to kenyon college, i actually read it the first time and listening to it is different




















    krill oil vs fish oil video

    the fact that krill oil has astaxanthin seems to be a stressed point



















    the good thing about couchsurfing is that it's free, the bad is that you're basically forced to hang out with these people















    louis theroux documentary on medicated children

    not once in the documentary is changing diet an idea, nor taking something less strong like supplementation, nope just use less medication

    concerning hugh, it used to bother me when my parents would speak about me with their friends, but people like to talk so




    just remembering when i told the doctor i don't like school and he recommended i go on adderall

    LOL


















    " you don't talk very much, why's that ? "

    i don't have much to say

    and what i do want to say would hurt your feelings or you wouldn't understand


















    " asking about my prescriptions, that's not how you make friends, that's how you make enemies "


    good insight to how people feel about talking about their prescriptions















    [–]Dogonapillow 1 point 4 minutes ago 
    i remember at Tassajara there was this guy who would go into the woods and smoke pot while there, I thought he was definitely wasting his time and just continuing down the same stupid road












    i was outside sitting on a rock, bright night with the full moon, when a coyote about 50 yards right on the tree line started barking, could've been the same one to have eaten the baby goats

    i thought i heard it thumping around but it was only my heartbeat
















    yogurt turned out to be very tasty and fresh, might've left it out too long leaving it sort of clumpy and watery but it's very good

    had a yogurt called siggi's the other day, they use a lot of cream and it was also very good !













    chaga's disease, scary stuff, and moving into the u.s. !





















    sepehr i can understand how you have a hard time finding time to meditate, with a house you have to pay for and a wife you have to pay attention to !

    your stocking job sounds depressing, i'm having a pretty good time working on a farm maybe you could try to find something like that, it is tiring being out in the sun all day, i got a sunburn working on the garden





















    well i guess i called andrew returning to r/zen before he could admit it ! maybe that means i'll make a return to a zen center or two

    not sure i want to get involved on r/zen again
























    women can change men, even their physical health















    even though i've put on weight since i got to Massachusetts, my face feels less swollen














    i was thinking the other day that a lot of people on r/zen are very passive aggressive


    now i just skip the passive if i have to be aggressive





















    ' cardinal ' by maxfield parrish























    castrated some piglets this morning, had four testicles after and definitely felt a testosterone increase later on

    could be trouble, i was about to start wishing for a woman





















    the back fat I used for lard came with some skin on it, I left it on while it was cooking and separated after and was debating whether or not to throw it away by tasting it, it's very good and it reminded me that my parents used to make a refuse gelatin stew that was probably common growing up in poverty in Portugal



    here it is, it's called feijoada transmontana, origins in northern portugal where my ancestors are from, this is just one variant and i think it basically went whatever you had went into the stew (pictures)

    transmontanos are what the people of the region are called ! i can only partly understand what these people are saying, which is the way it's always been for me !

    photo montage of the region














    no work, no prize !















    just got some homemade lard soap, planning on making some lard, yogurt, and cheese myself !

    seems like people tend to be healthier here, no mcdonalds within 30 minutes !














    wow, i wasn't sure it was going to happen, but the return of andrew to r/zen !

    hm, does that mean i'll be back to wasting my time there, or maybe i'll be productive by returning ?


















    when i was in portugal some time maybe 10 years ago a very skinny dog came walking by my grandmother's home, which is a bit odd because it's not near any other homes besides my godparent's

    i went to the fridge as he was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, i gave him as much as i thought i could without getting in trouble, i went inside but i expected him to come back the next days but he never did












    " i'm IT !!!! "


    read nikolai gogol next ?












    “I hadn't known there were so many idiots in the world until I started using the Internet.” 
    ― Stanisław Lem


    ptsd is right when it comes to posting on reddit or elsewhere, i'm reserved about posting because it almost hurts to post









    jonathan bergeron fun artist














    interview with stanislaw lem, it's interesting how people are always trying to put labels on writers, like what the fuck does it matter ?















    reading goethe he mentioned hearing improperia and miserere (2), how wonderful that must have been


















    andrew:

    i couldn't write that on reddit zen, i'd be hounded or otherwise censored
    reddit zen sort of filters out any sense and all that bickering they have and complain about, well its all they really permit, the stupids !


    me:

    i feel like i'm a step above of what he's talking about
    i was somewhat upset when you shot down my monastic dreams, back in the reddit zen days
    i guess there's no real conversation on reddit zen
    i was actually thinking about going into neuroscience when i was in college, it would've never gone through for me












    one of my favorite soccer platers cristiano ronaldo will be having a child with a surrogate mother

    i watched his documentary, it seems like his son does not want to play soccer and that must upset ronaldo very much and might be why he's having another kid













    another leonard cohen interview















    good first day of work nice to be outside and working with animals, also learning skills i'll most likely use one day

    only complaint i have is that i was hammering staples in an old barn and i most definitely got lead paint in my eyes and ears, even my regular prescription glasses would've been a help but i lost them the other day on a bike ride, took a germanium once i got home !













    i've had trouble reading translations and only with my current reading of goethe's "italian journey" do i see the translator showing himself
















    we had some syrian neighbors that were coming by as they were getting involved in soccer and my brother has a big role in the town's soccer program

    they came by one day distraught, it was when things were really heating up in syria and they were worried about their family there, i don't think we saw them much after that

    they were sad i was sad it was very sad














    andrew:

    "thereʼs an old zen saying “ theoretically the point of a needle canʼt get past the border, in practice horses and coach drive through ”
    thereʼs sort of an analogish situtation in physics and astrophysics , “singularity” is in fact a philosophical idea that does not represent physical reality, its simply a situation where the theory is inadequate, but the fact a situation exists implies there is some make up of horses and coaches that drive through !
    the mistake of the likes of ewk and buji zen is to suppose the truth of the first part of that old zen saying and because they are not enlightened and have never done any real zen work, they imagine the 2nd part to be nonsense ! : o)(
    the hard part to get is that these lazy blightened morons are the norm of life ! :o(
    of course the other side of the coin is that the religious zen and buddhism build fake horses and coaches that just sit on blocks and donʼt go anywhere, easy meat for buji zen to point out !
    the real horses and coaches are reviled by both sides of course ! : o ) "




     me:

    awesome ! i don't think i would have understood the original saying without the explanation

    maybe the people who have the coach and horse think " why tire and feed the horse when i can sit pompously and show off to others ? "


















    goethe on his " Italian Journey "

    last sentences of his first paragraph












    i used the bathroom in the early morning the other day, probably around 4 am, i used one of the hall lights that was bright and when i got back into my hammock to go to sleep i was unable to for at least an hour, the light definitely woke me up












    went outside tonight, sat on a chair, walked around, saw the pigs

    it was nice, and the full moon gave a good introduction, it's really quite bright out, now i guess it's putting the extra hour or two in














    andrew :
    "guffawing and gaggling fools remain creepy monsters in the pond contaminating any reflection of the moon in its brown excrement laden waters . ."


    well written

    making a comeback to reddit zen ?









    went on a run when i first got here and felt like i was going to hurl, was very tired after my first bike ride too

    now going through my second run and bike ride it's crazy how much easier they were on me, maybe the tyromax helped ? not sure if i'm taking too much yet, my head has felt a little bit spacey but my diet hasn't been too great either



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