Saturday, June 17, 2017

people don't want to talk about anything real

they'd rather gossip instead

haven't had vitamin k in a week or so and it's shown itself as depressive symptoms

the more time that goes by the more i realize enlightenment isn't some super-state

you don't become very happy and you don't start doing things very well

i'm crazy but i don't cheat people

men and women are equally insane in their own way

andrew :

the number of people about with drug induced semantic pragmatic processing difficulties !
not afraid to waste your time and pretend themselves to be great masters of wisdom !

andrew :

young men, they love themselves and their mothers love them ,  but no-one else does ?

old men

more intelligent than

young men

but still very stupid

i was thinking of joining a local soccer team, i heard from an old teammate that our old soccer trainer also plays on that team

he must be nearing forty if not past forty

my trainer fouled someone during a game and the young guy he fouled called him old, so my trainer decided to punch him hard in the face enough so that the young guy started to cry

nah i don't want to get involved with that !

i'm sitting in the way back corner of the restaurant by myself

a waitress walks over and she sits down, ive known her since she was pretty young and i've figured she's been half interested in me for a while

she says " i just broke up with my boyfriend ", i could tell that was going to happen cuz she was posting pictures of herself and of her going out on snapchat

so i said " oh ? " i look back down at my book and she picks it up and reads " owls do cry " and she laughs a little

i go back to reading and look up for a second and she gives me a bit of a surprised look and says " i'm bored, ill let you read your book "

i think i'll go tell her in going to portugal soon

parent's home town in portugal

driving in portugal is a different world to me

my mother would often say " it's not your fault it's mine " or " i don't know who you learned that from " " you learned that from your father "

because it's obvious to you it doesn't mean it's obvious to someone else !

there are many, many who are not right

some that are half right

and very few that are right

it's just a show for a lot of women

how expensive is their dinner they were brought to, where and how often are they vacationing, how big a wedding ring, what car did her husband get her, what designer clothes are their children wearing . .

english speakers don't have a monopoly on quality writing !

how much do people steal from me ?

a lot, they hardly notice and if they do they're not grateful !


thank god i'm poor

" how have you managed to stay celibate ? "

be crazy !

oh and be poor !

older women

once younger and prettier

andrew's reply :

older women
once younger and prettier
once children themselves

i've had a girl come to me saying she was bulimic, another who said she thought she was a whore

this was around when i was thirteen years old, i didn't know what to say and all i did was listen !

i can understand why people become bulimic, sometimes i eat something and i seriously regret it !

" I'm doing my own thing "

not me and you thing !

love for women

love for an unadulterated solo life

she's upset with me

and i can only imagine giving her a hug

for a moment she's pleased

at the restaurant where i work

" jason it's so nice outside ! "

there's been a full moon !

" a full moon ? that explains what's going on around here ! "

i hardly ever feel like i'm my age

either i'm acting like a child, beyond my years, or just some years off

the world is full of fuckers

what's most important to them is fucking

why do people like to talk about me ?

i guess they find me more interesting than their own selves !

i haven't been writing publicly as much recently, just my actions have been elsewhere

i don't know how marijuana has all these positive marijuana fallacies exist, that it doesn't cause brain damage, that it's not addictive etc
i didn't believe it then i believed it and now i don't believe them again

andrew :

the blind men think
they have complete sight

me :

i go to work and all the men are so egotistical, they know it all except really they don't

what i like in new movies are the developing special effects, of course the story line is hardly ever interesting in big hollywood movies

i worked 9 hours at the restaurant making deliveries today

i got off 12 minutes ago and remembered i didn't turn on the radio once

andrew :

jason, you are like me, too easily absorbed into other peoples lives

home to the philistines !

i think i get treated unfairly
and if i point out that i get treated unfairly then the demons start to come out of other people

i was always looking for someone to tell my stories to, i ended up finding the internet to accomplish just that

What would change if you were given a lottery ticket and won 10 million dollars?

laying on my bed

thinking in and outside of myself

i don't know what will happen in five minutes

and i'm still trying to figure it out

i wondered where zakaj and sepehr had been, they were making use of their time elsewhere (cryptocurrency) !

i'm pretty bad at remembering names, especially if i think i won't meet you again past the day we met !

being broke fucking sucks !

you're somewhere with your thinking

and i'm somewhere else with mine

you're somewhere with your thinking

and i'm somewhere else

i daydream, imagining things that will just never happen

that's fun

me :

that's basically meditation

i try to see more of reality

women can spend so much time everyday getting their make up on, doing their hair, etc.

since their number one priority is breeding it's not a big deal for them !

i'm not someone to keep on the back-log

i'm not someone to keep on the main-log

played soccer last thursday, it seems like people at least subtly know that heading the ball is concussive

whenever the offensive team has a corner, no one wants to defend our goal which usually involves heading the ball away

they're less avoidant on an offensive corner but still there's reluctance to head the ball

i just jump out of both boxes when there's a corner, i played 40 minutes and only once lightly head the ball but i even regret that

i went to the grocery store today and outside of work it's where i see the most people on a weekly basis

anyway i'm just looking around at produce and the grocery store usually has a higher proportion of women

there's this youngish one a bit taller than me with darker brown hair wearing yoga pants and she's clearly the best looking woman in the store at the moment, we make eye contact for a second but i'm just trying to buy food and get out of there

so i'm looking at some blueberries and there's a bit of a jam with the shopping carts and people where i'm trying to get around and she's trying to get around so i just stood there waiting for her to make a move

she goes around the stack of food and gets so close to me i can feel the heat of her body, she had more room to not get so close

yeah that happens every once in a while, a woman gets so close you can feel the heat coming off of them

andrew :

aristotle was alexander the great's tutor and corresponded with him later in life, there was obviously a strong bond and influence there
a little more than a century later, the terracotta warriors were heavily influenced in style by greek statuary and seven to eight hundred years from the height of alexander's empire the indo-grecian bodhidharma started a new religion based on the aristotelian sophistical and anti-dogmatic rhetorical style in china

re: car
from zaddar1 [+114] sent 
as you get older you will start to understand you have the competence to have been quite a big deal in the world, but your life is mostly failure
this life failure is what mysticism is, successful people are not mystics though ultimately success is a bit of an illusion, all the same their lives are comfortable and they are productively busy !
re: car
to zaddar1 sent 
i used to imagine myself telling my family " i could make a lot of money if i wanted to "

1 comment:

  1. Nothing against you, but that article by Nabokov pissed me off. I'm probably going to avoid his books in the future, but he definitely doesn't resonate with me. I think the reason he didn't like Dostoevsky is he doesn't like it when people speak with the intensity of their personal feelings and experiences. When Dostoevsky speaks, you get that sense he's talking from his own personal experiences, trying to bring you to experiencing something he too had whereas with that article by Nabokov he's just making fun of people, pointing to no source of betterment.

    But yeah, that article by Nabokov was one of the most narcissistic things I've ever read. The reason it's narcissistic is because, unlike Schopenhauer's article about how think for yourself, Nabokov leaves no advice on how not to be a philistine. He just acts with a detachment and sense of irony mocking everyone with some sadistic pleasure. He's the kind of man that could use a punch in the face. He was a reader, not a thinker / contemplative person, at least I get that sense from that article.