Saturday, April 21, 2018

went to the track today to do some running and when i got there i notice there's a long haired young woman running already, her friend was sitting inside the track, both vixen looking

i took my time getting ready lacing up my shoes and running half a lap to get warmed up, well they're both sitting there until i finish running

i don't know if i was being rude or just saving my energy, but when i ran past them all three times i didn't look at them

i glanced once or twice 50 yards away but i don't know what their faces look like, i know they were looking at me

i thought i might've heard one of them say " look at us " when i passed by the third time

from crookedhc sent 
So you don't meditate at all anymore? Or just once in awhile? Have you noticed any differences from not doing it?
Re: Just An Update For You
to crookedhc sent 
i still go walking once a week for a couple or several hours
i've been trying to meditate before bed but i've been falling asleep around 10 recently

i had a job offer from our upstate neighbor to shoot beavers building dams on his ponds

a problem with video games is that they require a lot of time to be good at them, you have to sacrifice time you'd put into other things

i've flown a toy drone into a soccer goal and one of the arms broke off

i'd like to build one, but i'd need some soldering skill first

" what you eat is what you treat "

when i was working on the pig farm i thought the fetuses could be eaten and not just tossed

they say they're not toxic

when they're not sure what toxicity isn't

a french fry was given to our hyperactive pet squirrel at work

within ten minutes it was on its' belly motionless suffering indigestion !

new york has a long history of crime

things are never as they were, things are always going forwards

it's interesting how you can make a routine of doing something incorrectly until you look at it again

for example the route i have been running i believed to be a half mile, but when i measured it again after a whole year it turns out it was actually a full mile !

streaming is also popular in china

video of auschwitz by drone

another name i've gotten in caroline's community is " resident doctor ", i don't even speak to them much about health stuff but they see my tweets to caroline

when i spend so much time on health stuff of course i'm gonna speak about it ! it gets people upset cuz they hardly even put an iota of time into their own health


you can't expect people to pay you back or even to give a shit !

how SSDs are made

when people start ganging up on me for saying something completely rational, i know it has to be pretty right

i'm tweeting a good amount now !

edvard munch's " the sun ", " the father ", and the " mother "

painted in the hall of ceremonies at the university of oslo

i wrote something similar happening to me a couple years ago, it will probably only get worse !

something about men shopping alone in grocery stores ?

my experience :

i went to the grocery store today and outside of work it's where i see the most people on a weekly basis

anyway i'm just looking around at produce and the grocery store usually has a higher proportion of women

there's this youngish one a bit taller than me with darker brown hair wearing yoga pants and she's clearly the best looking woman in the store at the moment, we make eye contact for a second but i'm just trying to buy food and get out of there

so i'm looking at some blueberries and there's a bit of a jam with the shopping carts and people where i'm trying to get around and she's trying to get around so i just stood there waiting for her to make a move

she goes around the stack of food and gets so close to me i can feel the heat of her body, she had more room to not get so close

yeah that happens every once in a while, a woman gets so close you can feel the heat coming off of them

Monday, February 19, 2018

i'm not perfect, you're not perfect, no one in the world is !

a conversation i had with the mod that gave me a " timeout " from nerites' discord

i did myself a favor and extended it to a ban !

they unbanned even after i said to both the druggie mod and nerites that i didn't want to come back !

a poor college students tell me

" all my money goes on art supplies "

i reply

what's nice about writing is how cheap it is to do

my mother and i would watch tv in the basement, where it was often kept warm or cool depending on the season

she would take out her woven basket where she kept her nail paints

sometimes painting mine clear

or she would take out her tin of cookies, where she kept her crochet and sewing supplies

she was never very good

we'd watch " Cops " and i would just see how crazy people can be

or we'd watch animal planet, she was always fascinated by sharks

' america's funniest home videos ' where you'd laugh at short clips before youtube or the internet was really a thing

now my father might be sick too

people and events don't ever really come back once they're passed

my response after having some writing and pictures taken down by nerites' moderators

-Today at 7:36 AM

this is a problem with people in general they talk and talk and talk and think they know what they're talking about but they don't know how to listen

i've transcribed charles bukowski's  original unedited poem " roll the dice " from a shoddy picture

roll the dice by charles bukowski if you're going to try it, go all the way. otherwise, don't get into it. if you're going to try it, go all the way. this could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs and maybe your mind go all the way. it could mean not eating for 3 or 4 days. it could mean freezing on a park bench. it could mean jail, alcoholism it could mean derision, mockery, isolation. the isolation is the gift. all the other is a test of your guts. how much you really want to do it. and you'll do it against total rejection and the highest of odds but it will be better than doing anything else you can think of if you're going to try it, go all the way there is no other feeling like it you will be alone with the gods and the nights will flame with fire. do it, do it, do it. do it. all the way. all the way. you will ride death straight to hell, your perfect laughter, the only good fight now.

from nerites' discord, click the image to enlarge

when i'm shown my mistakes i do something about it

brittany says

 things are the other way around now with cooking, men know how to cook to attract women

i reply

i know how to cook not to attract women, maybe to not need one !

if xyz found a boyfriend i would be completely fine

completely fine

there are women who would date me

women who wouldn't date me

and women who are wary of dating me

lol, jason finally gets it !
he quotes me
i do think its a personality trait with you  (ed. jason)  to be unappreciative of how things are always off target and every time you dig a bit deeper, it will look different
his reply
yes its like i don’t believe it works that way

andrew writes

when your enemies are making a mistake, don’t interrupt them

i was thinking about quitting discord when i first started, discord is a messaging app that streamers use for their viewers

caroline's discord has hints of dozers, pedophile, and of course a not so hint druggies

i was just thinking that maybe i wanted to leave discord behind was because i'm not respected most of the time by the viewers

the streamers seem to appreciate me though

seemingly normal

the reality is insane

modern psych ward in russia

i joined a pro-suicide discord server, the rules :

-Today at 6:41 AM

1. No judgement.
2. Don't try and talk people out of their own choices.
3. Respect each others decisions.
4. No reporting content.

i seem to only know some things about myself, and much about others

Jason DafonteTweet text

after the meeting at work today i was talking to james

" it can take me a while to digest events "


i think what’s wrong with these zen “ dialogues ” is they have to prove something to each other !
if you are really confident you don’t have to prove anything , but don’t want to get bogged down in conversation with these mortals, but go on to develop the really interesting stuff yourself !

ice getting swatted again

one bad move when this happens and he could get shot

i give myself away too much

i give myself away too often

-Today at 9:54 AM

hormone therapy causes a host of problems though, it's not natural

PolishMob-Today at 10:01 AM

Yeah. The one girl I know that transitioned is having problems due to HRT. It gave him constant mood swings and a hemmoraging stroke. He is hardly tolerable to be around anymore and he constantly cries.
I checked him into a state psych hospital and he was transferred to a long term facility near Wichita Falls

poverty in rural china

my sex dreams are almost always with women i don't really want to have sex with

talking to caroline


women can put thousands of hours into developing the skill !

i was commenting in neriteOG's discord saying how one on one interviews with female streamers would be good for men who lack social skills when it comes to talking to men, the linked video above is from a woman who commented " some women are intimidating, not all though "

if you have money, keep it hidden

it's a good strategy for young men to stay broke


your day

Sunday, October 8, 2017

mt. fuji from the ISS

interesting that hakuin lived right around it

getting involved in other people's lives

i tend to neglect my own

women are sort of like cats, they might not look like much but they can fuck up just as bad and even worse than a dog !

i watched a lot of cops when i was little

i think it's saved me from being arrested several times !

basically if you've done something wrong you shouldn't straight up admit it to the officer

the fact that you can't post the word retard or autism on r/zen shows where the subreddit is at

put it on the page

and leave it there

there really are so many drug addled online ..

" While the definition of autism spectrum disorders (ASD) has changed over the years, one thing has remained relatively constant: the fact that rates of ASD are anywhere from two to five times higher among boys than they are among girls. "

have you ever seen carrie fisher's house ?

she was one of the best philosophical minds of our time : o (

retards and assholes

that's what i have to deal with

lonely days, rainy days, lazy days

what a depressive autistic has to deal with

dealing with people through the internet can be " heady " as there's no connection to reality, even the body looking at the screen can disappear !

james was saying how he's dealt with people like brittany who will ignore you to get you more attracted, how it will seem like the time you spend with them is special and later on when you leave then they will get in contact with you and say they haven't heard from you in a while

he was wondering if i'd like to spend time on someone like that, well i am like that too .. consciously or unconsciously i keep to myself and don't reach out to others too often 

superchargers vs. turbochargers

i ask

if you use a sex doll are you still celibate ?

brittany replies

" yes i think so "

Jason DafonteTweet text

i find that i can find out a lot more about a person through their writing than meeting them in real life

a bit of a magic show using mathematical algorithms, drone and video technology !

birds chirping, taunting spring !

ice poseidon gets scammed trying to get into the golden globes

if nothing happens, i win

if something happens . . i'd like to say i win

i fall in love too easily

people like to put their fingers in their ears when they hear something they don't like ! 

i told kbubblez last night that pot is a drug and it causes brain damage, she said to me " you're stupid if you believe that ! '

i saw some guys playing small sided soccer in the next field so i drove over, when i got there i was in my boots and jeans and i asked if they needed another player, who i asked definitely thought i was crazy and didn't realize i had a change of shoes

he said " next sunday be here at 10, don't forget ! " so i said okay i won't

they were an interesting group of people who were battling it out, small sides means i won't head the ball but these guys seemed pretty rough which translates into me being especially picked on !

i was flying my drone at an open field at a park, in new york you're not supposed to fly drones in parks but i think as long as you're respectful you won't get bothered

well, i'm flying the drone and focused when i hear someone say something behind me and i look around to see a man and his son making me crash land the drone with it ending up upside down

well they're just standing five feet away from me and my whole face is covered with a neckie and a winter hat, so i'm just staring at them for several seconds without them saying anything and i say " how do you do ? "

he says they just find it interesting so i said " okay just be careful because i'm new "

and he said how it was impressing and how he goes to best buy and they're expensive and they have all these features, he says how planes need to land like drones

so i keep flying some more until the battery runs out and i begin to walk back to my car, i see a vision of a big drone flying through the sky being controlled by a small black silhouetted person, then i " get out " of the vision and a rhyming homily comes to me, but i didn't write it down so i forgot and it's another piece of writing gone forever ..

wow, some people can be so quick with sleight of hand !

i was thinking of playing poker for money but i don't think so anymore !

sometimes i get advice and i just scoff

then i look back some time in the future and i think

well that was actually good advice

a couple walking down the trail towards me

the man asks, " did you see anything good ? "

i say " uhh, yeah "

he's holding a camera and says "any seals ? "

" uhh, no "

the woman laughs

there are probably few people who love the internet as much as i do

walking through a drab grocery store

going to the register to get out of there when i hear a worker joking with his coworkers, then as he's walking away he sends more jokes to other coworkers

why does it surprise me so little when i see the most affable person there is mopping the floors ?

andrew writes :

jason, there’s a huge energy in not having a girlfriend, you have the focus and undistracted attention to do things  !

my reply :

i like to tell people i have more important things to focus on than girls, except i'm not really doing them

it's hard to be in poverty, especially when you have a wife or kids

i think cryptocurrency is interesting and i can see myself getting into it, i just need to set aside the things i'm focusing on which aren't gaining me money 

a good description by andrew

an enlightenment experience is where everything turns inside out and you see that reality is a world within a world and not the true world

i email scotty kilmer telling him how my first used car buying experience went :

i'd like to tell you how buying a used car for the first time went for me

the man who sold me the car was a scofflaw, he was the ex manager of a used car shop that bought totaled cars and would repair them to sell, here is a link to his charges :

of course i did not know this when buying the car, only when i was test driving the vehicle and he was in the passenger seat and i let go of the steering wheel for it to veer left did he mention " oh it's been in an accident, it was nothing really i was going 35mph and hit a deer "

the whole time he played off that it was his own car since he bought it new and that the accident was very minor, and if you check the original ad ( here's a link to an album i made of the original ad : ), the ad states the car is " clean "

only after signing the title and trying to register the car at motor vehicles did i realize something was amiss, after i bought a carfax and saw that the car was totaled and that it now stated it had 200,000k miles instead of the 58,000k the seller was advertising .. still not sure if there was an engine swap or something

i rushed back to his house to get my money back but he said he spent it already. somehow he got the title to state one owner, don't know how. he also folded the title perfectly over where the it states the car's condition as "SALVAGE/REBUILT "

the man was a professional criminal and i just happened to be one of his victims. he was almost hypnotic and i got unlucky

what i learned from this encounter was to take more time buying a used car, to be very wary of car's being advertised without a license plate, and that craigslist and facebook marketplaces are full of dealers, ex dealers, and wannabe dealers

luckily the car has been doing pretty well, i haven't had a problem with it since i've been using it for about four months, and i was even doing some pizza delivery with the car


updated album showing the ad stating the title is " clean " and the backseats which worried me that the car might have more miles than what was stated

another lesson was that many people selling a car do lower the miles !

[–]to zaddar1 sent 
comparatively i was comfortable at this zen center because it's in my home state and even on my home island
growing up and going to portugal every year i think i developed a good sense of how cultures can differ. even with a four hour car drive from here to cambridge zen center i could see a difference
the resident who i spoke to lives in the center but goes to manhattan where he works. the center encourages the residents to take up art practice and so he decided to write poetry and take photographs, he was even familiar with hakuin
[–]from zaddar1 sent 
yeah i felt really at home in boston, more english, new york is a strange and dangerous place !
[–]to zaddar1 sent 
yes it is dangerous and i've grown up in the strange culture, doesn't mean i like it but i'm way better adapted than someone coming from somewhere else
[–]from zaddar1 sent 
i stayed in rochester for a day or so and walked through a black area without feeling unsafe at all, yet i got mugged at grand central terminal in new york !
[–]to zaddar1 sent 
upstate new york and downstate new york are two different places, long island has tried several times to split from the rest of the state
[–]to zaddar1 sent 
then there's chiraq

 re: time zones
to zaddar1 sent 
the fourth grade was a significant year for me
in that year i read the lion the witch and the wardrobe which is a narnia book and almost my whole class was enamored by the book, we had a good time reading it
we'd each take a certain character and read their lines while our teacher would narrate, and we'd make the desserts mentioned in the book too
that year i really started liking girls as i got close to my friend christine
that really pretty girl brooke, the one with the rich boyfriend and is traveling, was also in the class. i have a specific memory where i impersonated an australian accent to her as we were lining up to go somewhere, and she asked " how did you do that ? " i said " i don't know ! " and maybe something else, and she said " don't be so modest ! " .. i used to watch a lot of steve irwin
why did that make such a big impact on me ?

or did she say humble ?

if i eat meat less than three times a week i start to lack energy

my friend in a groupchart starts telling about how his girlfriend will occasionally talk to her her ex boyfriend and he's getting angry

i say :

if she's a good girl she'll dump you before cheating on you

he responds with a couple laughing emojis and then says :

what if she's a bad girl ?

i respond :

she'll cheat on you and give you an std, now that's not very funny

my father brought up to my godparents that i was offered a job at home depot and i declined it, i said it was because i'd be working right next to the expressway all day and they just all immediately laughed

i didn't explain myself right then but then when i was in the car with my father i asked him seriously if he thought working next to the highway wouldnt have negative health consequences and he said i was just saying that as " an excuse "

then we went to someone's house and there were younger women there and he said to one almost right away " look here at my son, are you looking for a boyfriend ? " then he said " oh shit your boyfriend is here i shouldn't speak ", which he was

then later on he said to another " listen here he's looking for a girlfriend, he's 23 ! " and she said " and what ? " and he said " well i don't know if he's a good guy or not, but he would be if he takes after his father "

yeah they found me good looking or maybe they looked at me that way cuz you don't see too many people from out of town

a more comfortable life on the zhongnan mountains

andrew thinks she might have boyfriend somewhere keeping her place maintained

seems like something is unstable here

i was on my way home from my father's wife's house after lunch with my father in the passenger seat

there were two women on the side of the road who waved at us and my father said " pull over they need something '

so i pulled over and it was an older woman and a younger one and i recognized that they were " ciganos ", the portuguese word for gypsies

so they come to the driver window which was down and they asked if they could get a ride to town and my father replied that they could

so they got into the backseat both in the same seat behind me at first and they smelled of body odor like they had been without a bath and walking for a long time

my father asks where they're from and they say ' here ' and my father starts asking what's the name of the town and they don't respond by keeping silent after a couple previous questions

then they say that i'm handsome a couple of times and the third time i say " thanks ( in portuguese ) " and my father starts telling them that i'm american and the girl squeezes my shoulder and pinches the back of my arm

the younger one asks what i'm doing later and besides saying thanks i haven't said a word and continue not to, they say a couple more things and my father says " not today "

we get to the center of town and i stop and they start asking " do you want to fuck ? do you want a suck ? " while i continue to remain silent and my father keeps saying no, reluctantly

they ask if they can get dropped off a little more down the hill as my father has given away we live in that direction, i stop again down the hill and they ask for money to eat and so my father gives them five euros and again they ask to fuck. i don't respond and they start asking me if i like women and i just don't respond

they ask to be dropped off more down the road and now we are at a park near my house and my father says they'll find someone here who is interested but they at first won't leave the car and my father tells them to get out of the car

the older woman does get out after being asked some times and comes to my driver winder and asks again and i say " truthfully, no ", the younger girl has the door open on the back passenger side and is playfully shaking my father back and forth and giving him pats and even reclines his seat back while my father laughs

after some time my father says just start driving as the younger girl still has one foot in the car and is asking for our phone numbers to call us later " to talk ", my father pauses for several seconds to think if he will give her his number while side glancing me, he gives away that we live down the road and i start to let go of the brake and the girl exits the car

i can't remember what their faces looked like because i was avoiding looking at them, it was also a day i forgot to bring my knife with me

maybe in a different time, if i was by myself or with someone not my father, i might've said yes, but with STDs being so rampant i didn't consider it

the person i lie to most is myself

i've never had a good persimmon before but i learned today they have to be so ripe that the skin splits 

supermarkets usually pick the fruit before ripe to avoid spoiling, like it's hard to find a ripe pineapple 

if i have any kind of smarts it's not the kind that makes life easy