Sunday, October 8, 2017

james was saying how he's dealt with people like brittany who will ignore you to get you more attracted, how it will seem like the time you spend with them is special and later on when you leave then they will get in contact with you and say they haven't heard from you in a while

he was wondering if i'd like to spend time on someone like that, well i am like that too .. consciously or unconsciously i keep to myself and don't reach out to others too often 

superchargers vs. turbochargers

i ask

if you use a sex doll are you still celibate ?

brittany replies

" yes i think so "

Jason DafonteTweet text

i find that i can find out a lot more about a person through their writing than meeting them in real life

a bit of a magic show using mathematical algorithms, drone and video technology !

birds chirping, taunting spring !

ice poseidon gets scammed trying to get into the golden globes

if nothing happens, i win

if something happens . . i'd like to say i win

i fall in love too easily

people like to put their fingers in their ears when they hear something they don't like ! 

i told kbubblez last night that pot is a drug and it causes brain damage, she said to me " you're stupid if you believe that ! '

i saw some guys playing small sided soccer in the next field so i drove over, when i got there i was in my boots and jeans and i asked if they needed another player, who i asked definitely thought i was crazy and didn't realize i had a change of shoes

he said " next sunday be here at 10, don't forget ! " so i said okay i won't

they were an interesting group of people who were battling it out, small sides means i won't head the ball but these guys seemed pretty rough which translates into me being especially picked on !

i was flying my drone at an open field at a park, in new york you're not supposed to fly drones in parks but i think as long as you're respectful you won't get bothered

well, i'm flying the drone and focused when i hear someone say something behind me and i look around to see a man and his son making me crash land the drone with it ending up upside down

well they're just standing five feet away from me and my whole face is covered with a neckie and a winter hat, so i'm just staring at them for several seconds without them saying anything and i say " how do you do ? "

he says they just find it interesting so i said " okay just be careful because i'm new "

and he said how it was impressing and how he goes to best buy and they're expensive and they have all these features, he says how planes need to land like drones

so i keep flying some more until the battery runs out and i begin to walk back to my car, i see a vision of a big drone flying through the sky being controlled by a small black silhouetted person, then i " get out " of the vision and a rhyming homily comes to me, but i didn't write it down so i forgot and it's another piece of writing gone forever ..

wow, some people can be so quick with sleight of hand !

i was thinking of playing poker for money but i don't think so anymore !

sometimes i get advice and i just scoff

then i look back some time in the future and i think

well that was actually good advice

a couple walking down the trail towards me

the man asks, " did you see anything good ? "

i say " uhh, yeah "

he's holding a camera and says "any seals ? "

" uhh, no "

the woman laughs

there are probably few people who love the internet as much as i do

walking through a drab grocery store

going to the register to get out of there when i hear a worker joking with his coworkers, then as he's walking away he sends more jokes to other coworkers

why does it surprise me so little when i see the most affable person there is mopping the floors ?

andrew writes :

jason, there’s a huge energy in not having a girlfriend, you have the focus and undistracted attention to do things  !

my reply :

i like to tell people i have more important things to focus on than girls, except i'm not really doing them

it's hard to be in poverty, especially when you have a wife or kids

i think cryptocurrency is interesting and i can see myself getting into it, i just need to set aside the things i'm focusing on which aren't gaining me money 

a good description by andrew

an enlightenment experience is where everything turns inside out and you see that reality is a world within a world and not the true world

i email scotty kilmer telling him how my first used car buying experience went :

i'd like to tell you how buying a used car for the first time went for me

the man who sold me the car was a scofflaw, he was the ex manager of a used car shop that bought totaled cars and would repair them to sell, here is a link to his charges :

of course i did not know this when buying the car, only when i was test driving the vehicle and he was in the passenger seat and i let go of the steering wheel for it to veer left did he mention " oh it's been in an accident, it was nothing really i was going 35mph and hit a deer "

the whole time he played off that it was his own car since he bought it new and that the accident was very minor, and if you check the original ad ( here's a link to an album i made of the original ad : ), the ad states the car is " clean "

only after signing the title and trying to register the car at motor vehicles did i realize something was amiss, after i bought a carfax and saw that the car was totaled and that it now stated it had 200,000k miles instead of the 58,000k the seller was advertising .. still not sure if there was an engine swap or something

i rushed back to his house to get my money back but he said he spent it already. somehow he got the title to state one owner, don't know how. he also folded the title perfectly over where the it states the car's condition as "SALVAGE/REBUILT "

the man was a professional criminal and i just happened to be one of his victims. he was almost hypnotic and i got unlucky

what i learned from this encounter was to take more time buying a used car, to be very wary of car's being advertised without a license plate, and that craigslist and facebook marketplaces are full of dealers, ex dealers, and wannabe dealers

luckily the car has been doing pretty well, i haven't had a problem with it since i've been using it for about four months, and i was even doing some pizza delivery with the car


updated album showing the ad stating the title is " clean " and the backseats which worried me that the car might have more miles than what was stated

another lesson was that many people selling a car do lower the miles !

[–]to zaddar1 sent 
comparatively i was comfortable at this zen center because it's in my home state and even on my home island
growing up and going to portugal every year i think i developed a good sense of how cultures can differ. even with a four hour car drive from here to cambridge zen center i could see a difference
the resident who i spoke to lives in the center but goes to manhattan where he works. the center encourages the residents to take up art practice and so he decided to write poetry and take photographs, he was even familiar with hakuin
[–]from zaddar1 sent 
yeah i felt really at home in boston, more english, new york is a strange and dangerous place !
[–]to zaddar1 sent 
yes it is dangerous and i've grown up in the strange culture, doesn't mean i like it but i'm way better adapted than someone coming from somewhere else
[–]from zaddar1 sent 
i stayed in rochester for a day or so and walked through a black area without feeling unsafe at all, yet i got mugged at grand central terminal in new york !
[–]to zaddar1 sent 
upstate new york and downstate new york are two different places, long island has tried several times to split from the rest of the state
[–]to zaddar1 sent 
then there's chiraq

 re: time zones
to zaddar1 sent 
the fourth grade was a significant year for me
in that year i read the lion the witch and the wardrobe which is a narnia book and almost my whole class was enamored by the book, we had a good time reading it
we'd each take a certain character and read their lines while our teacher would narrate, and we'd make the desserts mentioned in the book too
that year i really started liking girls as i got close to my friend christine
that really pretty girl brooke, the one with the rich boyfriend and is traveling, was also in the class. i have a specific memory where i impersonated an australian accent to her as we were lining up to go somewhere, and she asked " how did you do that ? " i said " i don't know ! " and maybe something else, and she said " don't be so modest ! " .. i used to watch a lot of steve irwin
why did that make such a big impact on me ?

or did she say humble ?

if i eat meat less than three times a week i start to lack energy

my friend in a groupchart starts telling about how his girlfriend will occasionally talk to her her ex boyfriend and he's getting angry

i say :

if she's a good girl she'll dump you before cheating on you

he responds with a couple laughing emojis and then says :

what if she's a bad girl ?

i respond :

she'll cheat on you and give you an std, now that's not very funny

my father brought up to my godparents that i was offered a job at home depot and i declined it, i said it was because i'd be working right next to the expressway all day and they just all immediately laughed

i didn't explain myself right then but then when i was in the car with my father i asked him seriously if he thought working next to the highway wouldnt have negative health consequences and he said i was just saying that as " an excuse "

then we went to someone's house and there were younger women there and he said to one almost right away " look here at my son, are you looking for a boyfriend ? " then he said " oh shit your boyfriend is here i shouldn't speak ", which he was

then later on he said to another " listen here he's looking for a girlfriend, he's 23 ! " and she said " and what ? " and he said " well i don't know if he's a good guy or not, but he would be if he takes after his father "

yeah they found me good looking or maybe they looked at me that way cuz you don't see too many people from out of town

a more comfortable life on the zhongnan mountains

andrew thinks she might have boyfriend somewhere keeping her place maintained

seems like something is unstable here

i was on my way home from my father's wife's house after lunch with my father in the passenger seat

there were two women on the side of the road who waved at us and my father said " pull over they need something '

so i pulled over and it was an older woman and a younger one and i recognized that they were " ciganos ", the portuguese word for gypsies

so they come to the driver window which was down and they asked if they could get a ride to town and my father replied that they could

so they got into the backseat both in the same seat behind me at first and they smelled of body odor like they had been without a bath and walking for a long time

my father asks where they're from and they say ' here ' and my father starts asking what's the name of the town and they don't respond by keeping silent after a couple previous questions

then they say that i'm handsome a couple of times and the third time i say " thanks ( in portuguese ) " and my father starts telling them that i'm american and the girl squeezes my shoulder and pinches the back of my arm

the younger one asks what i'm doing later and besides saying thanks i haven't said a word and continue not to, they say a couple more things and my father says " not today "

we get to the center of town and i stop and they start asking " do you want to fuck ? do you want a suck ? " while i continue to remain silent and my father keeps saying no, reluctantly

they ask if they can get dropped off a little more down the hill as my father has given away we live in that direction, i stop again down the hill and they ask for money to eat and so my father gives them five euros and again they ask to fuck. i don't respond and they start asking me if i like women and i just don't respond

they ask to be dropped off more down the road and now we are at a park near my house and my father says they'll find someone here who is interested but they at first won't leave the car and my father tells them to get out of the car

the older woman does get out after being asked some times and comes to my driver winder and asks again and i say " truthfully, no ", the younger girl has the door open on the back passenger side and is playfully shaking my father back and forth and giving him pats and even reclines his seat back while my father laughs

after some time my father says just start driving as the younger girl still has one foot in the car and is asking for our phone numbers to call us later " to talk ", my father pauses for several seconds to think if he will give her his number while side glancing me, he gives away that we live down the road and i start to let go of the brake and the girl exits the car

i can't remember what their faces looked like because i was avoiding looking at them, it was also a day i forgot to bring my knife with me

maybe in a different time, if i was by myself or with someone not my father, i might've said yes, but with STDs being so rampant i didn't consider it

the person i lie to most is myself

i've never had a good persimmon before but i learned today they have to be so ripe that the skin splits 

supermarkets usually pick the fruit before ripe to avoid spoiling, like it's hard to find a ripe pineapple 

if i have any kind of smarts it's not the kind that makes life easy 

Saturday, June 17, 2017

people don't want to talk about anything real

they'd rather gossip instead

haven't had vitamin k in a week or so and it's shown itself as depressive symptoms

the more time that goes by the more i realize enlightenment isn't some super-state

you don't become very happy and you don't start doing things very well

i'm crazy but i don't cheat people

men and women are equally insane in their own way

andrew :

the number of people about with drug induced semantic pragmatic processing difficulties !
not afraid to waste your time and pretend themselves to be great masters of wisdom !

andrew :

young men, they love themselves and their mothers love them ,  but no-one else does ?

old men

more intelligent than

young men

but still very stupid

i was thinking of joining a local soccer team, i heard from an old teammate that our old soccer trainer also plays on that team

he must be nearing forty if not past forty

my trainer fouled someone during a game and the young guy he fouled called him old, so my trainer decided to punch him hard in the face enough so that the young guy started to cry

nah i don't want to get involved with that !

i'm sitting in the way back corner of the restaurant by myself

a waitress walks over and she sits down, ive known her since she was pretty young and i've figured she's been half interested in me for a while

she says " i just broke up with my boyfriend ", i could tell that was going to happen cuz she was posting pictures of herself and of her going out on snapchat

so i said " oh ? " i look back down at my book and she picks it up and reads " owls do cry " and she laughs a little

i go back to reading and look up for a second and she gives me a bit of a surprised look and says " i'm bored, ill let you read your book "

i think i'll go tell her in going to portugal soon

parent's home town in portugal

driving in portugal is a different world to me

my mother would often say " it's not your fault it's mine " or " i don't know who you learned that from " " you learned that from your father "

because it's obvious to you it doesn't mean it's obvious to someone else !

there are many, many who are not right

some that are half right

and very few that are right

it's just a show for a lot of women

how expensive is their dinner they were brought to, where and how often are they vacationing, how big a wedding ring, what car did her husband get her, what designer clothes are their children wearing . .

english speakers don't have a monopoly on quality writing !

how much do people steal from me ?

a lot, they hardly notice and if they do they're not grateful !


thank god i'm poor

" how have you managed to stay celibate ? "

be crazy !

oh and be poor !

older women

once younger and prettier

andrew's reply :

older women
once younger and prettier
once children themselves

i've had a girl come to me saying she was bulimic, another who said she thought she was a whore

this was around when i was thirteen years old, i didn't know what to say and all i did was listen !

i can understand why people become bulimic, sometimes i eat something and i seriously regret it !

" I'm doing my own thing "

not me and you thing !

love for women

love for an unadulterated solo life

she's upset with me

and i can only imagine giving her a hug

for a moment she's pleased

at the restaurant where i work

" jason it's so nice outside ! "

there's been a full moon !

" a full moon ? that explains what's going on around here ! "

i hardly ever feel like i'm my age

either i'm acting like a child, beyond my years, or just some years off

the world is full of fuckers

what's most important to them is fucking

why do people like to talk about me ?

i guess they find me more interesting than their own selves !

i haven't been writing publicly as much recently, just my actions have been elsewhere

i don't know how marijuana has all these positive marijuana fallacies exist, that it doesn't cause brain damage, that it's not addictive etc
i didn't believe it then i believed it and now i don't believe them again

andrew :

the blind men think
they have complete sight

me :

i go to work and all the men are so egotistical, they know it all except really they don't

what i like in new movies are the developing special effects, of course the story line is hardly ever interesting in big hollywood movies

i worked 9 hours at the restaurant making deliveries today

i got off 12 minutes ago and remembered i didn't turn on the radio once

andrew :

jason, you are like me, too easily absorbed into other peoples lives

home to the philistines !

i think i get treated unfairly
and if i point out that i get treated unfairly then the demons start to come out of other people

i was always looking for someone to tell my stories to, i ended up finding the internet to accomplish just that

What would change if you were given a lottery ticket and won 10 million dollars?

laying on my bed

thinking in and outside of myself

i don't know what will happen in five minutes

and i'm still trying to figure it out

i wondered where zakaj and sepehr had been, they were making use of their time elsewhere (cryptocurrency) !

i'm pretty bad at remembering names, especially if i think i won't meet you again past the day we met !

being broke fucking sucks !

you're somewhere with your thinking

and i'm somewhere else with mine

you're somewhere with your thinking

and i'm somewhere else

i daydream, imagining things that will just never happen

that's fun

me :

that's basically meditation

i try to see more of reality

women can spend so much time everyday getting their make up on, doing their hair, etc.

since their number one priority is breeding it's not a big deal for them !

i'm not someone to keep on the back-log

i'm not someone to keep on the main-log

played soccer last thursday, it seems like people at least subtly know that heading the ball is concussive

whenever the offensive team has a corner, no one wants to defend our goal which usually involves heading the ball away

they're less avoidant on an offensive corner but still there's reluctance to head the ball

i just jump out of both boxes when there's a corner, i played 40 minutes and only once lightly head the ball but i even regret that

i went to the grocery store today and outside of work it's where i see the most people on a weekly basis

anyway i'm just looking around at produce and the grocery store usually has a higher proportion of women

there's this youngish one a bit taller than me with darker brown hair wearing yoga pants and she's clearly the best looking woman in the store at the moment, we make eye contact for a second but i'm just trying to buy food and get out of there

so i'm looking at some blueberries and there's a bit of a jam with the shopping carts and people where i'm trying to get around and she's trying to get around so i just stood there waiting for her to make a move

she goes around the stack of food and gets so close to me i can feel the heat of her body, she had more room to not get so close

yeah that happens every once in a while, a woman gets so close you can feel the heat coming off of them

andrew :

aristotle was alexander the great's tutor and corresponded with him later in life, there was obviously a strong bond and influence there
a little more than a century later, the terracotta warriors were heavily influenced in style by greek statuary and seven to eight hundred years from the height of alexander's empire the indo-grecian bodhidharma started a new religion based on the aristotelian sophistical and anti-dogmatic rhetorical style in china

re: car
from zaddar1 [+114] sent 
as you get older you will start to understand you have the competence to have been quite a big deal in the world, but your life is mostly failure
this life failure is what mysticism is, successful people are not mystics though ultimately success is a bit of an illusion, all the same their lives are comfortable and they are productively busy !
re: car
to zaddar1 sent 
i used to imagine myself telling my family " i could make a lot of money if i wanted to "